Chapter 19

"I just talked to Jai," Carson said, entering the steam room. "How you talk me into this crap is beyond me."

"It's good for you," Kyan hummed. "We will be all relaxed for next week."

"My face kind of burns. Is that normal?"

"I'm going to come over there and strangle you," Kyan sighed. "When's the last time you had a facial?"

"Look! I've been busy. I ran out of that stuff you gave me, and I just kept forgetting to ask you for more. Besides, for the past three weeks I've been dealing with you and Thom!"

"Oh, don't blame that on you neglecting your skin. And you need a haircut."

"I'm not cutting my hair," Carson stood. "And if I do decide, it will be me deciding- not you!"

"Why do you constantly fight me on this? I don't give you a hard time when you tell me the shirt I have on is hideous."

Carson mocked him, then sat down on one of the benches. "I'm going to get another headache from breathing in all this aroma ."

Kyan huffed. "You know what, why don't you just leave? I don’t want to listen to you bitch and complain for the next hour that we are here for. I'm already stressed as it is. I don't need you to ad---"

"Okay, okay," Carson butted in. "I'll be good. I promise." He inhaled and closed his eyes.

Kyan looked over at him. "So, are you going to tell me what Jai said?"

"Oh? Oh, yeah, sorry. Um, everything is pretty much set. Ted and he are keeping Thom occupied. They are probably working on him to get in the shower, get dressed, that kind of thing."

"Is he okay?"

"He's not crying anymore."

Kyan couldn't help but feel terrible. "And he still doesn't know anything?"

"Right. Jai almost convinced him that you had flown back to New York."

"Oh my god!" Kyan cried out. "Why did he---"

"Relax, he covered it up. Thom knows you aren't in New York, although he might now think you are already in Wisconsin."

"I can't get you guys to do anything right!"

"Kyan, calm down. What the hell else were we going to say to him about why you haven't been around all damn day?"

"I don't know. Something other than that I fled the state! He probably totally hates me right now."

"He doesn't hate you," Carson said. "He might dislike you, but he doesn't hate you."

Kyan reached over and smacked Carson on the chest. "Bastard."

"Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. Even Jai says so, and you know, Jai- Mr. Overprotective of Filica." He paused. "You don't think Jai has a crush on Thom do you?"

"Oh, god…"

Carson's eyes opened and grew wide. "It all makes perfect sense!"

"It does not make perfect sense," Kyan said. "If he was interested in Thom, he wouldn’t have been so pissed about this morning. He would've moved in for the kill."

"No, no. Sympathy. Comfort." He shook his finger. "That's what can help get you in the door. I see the way Jai looks at him sometimes- some sense of longing."

Kyan sat up and looked at him. "Why the hell are you saying this to me? Are you begging for me to kill you?"

"I'm just making an observation. You've obviously seen it. They hang over each other all the time."

"First off, Jai is way too young for Thom. Second, Jai has told me numerous times that he sees Thom as an older brother. And third, Thom is in love with me. Not Jai, me!"

"Or so he says." Carson shrugged, casually. "He could be in denial."

"Oh, my god, I can't believe I'm hearing this! Are you my friend or not?"

"It's not too late to call everything off," Carson suggested. "You know if you really love someone, you have to let it go. If it comes back---"

Kyan hit him on his upper arm. "I hate you."

Carson grinned. "You know you love me." He shifted on the wooden bench. "I can't breathe."

"I could only wish…."

"Hey, come on, you can take a joke."

"Just… no more talk about Thom and Jai, alright?"

Carson looked at him curiously. "Are you jealous?"

"No, I'm not jealous," he said a little too quickly.

"Oh, okay." He was not convinced.

"I’m not jealous," Kyan stressed.

"You are a terrible liar!"

Kyan groaned. "I'm no more jealous of him and Jai than he is of you and me."

"That's great. You must see green when you look at Jai."

"Oh, Thom does not feel that way about you."

"Are you kidding me? The man hardly said two words to me yesterday! He only had to be pleasant because there was a camera crew all over us. Did you see his face when I sat next to him on the couch when we were sending Travis off? I thought he was going to plummet me!"

"Thom would do no such thing."

"He might not do it, but he was sure the hell thinking of it."

"Well, that whole situation was different. He really thought we had slept together."

Carson shivered. "Do we have to have that mental image?"

"It's no fantasy of mine either!" Kyan said. "But he thought---"

"And so why would he think that if he wasn't already thinking something was going on between us in the first place?"

"Well, I don't think he's sleeping with Jai."

"Have you ever asked him if he has?"

Kyan drew his eyebrows together. "Do you know something I don't?"

"I'm just saying. You never know."

"Has anyone in this group slept with any of us?"

Carson didn't say anything.

"Answer me, damn it!" Kyan said.

"Christ, Kyan, of course not!" he said. "Have you slept with anyone besides Thom?"

"Do I even have to answer that?"

"See, that proves my point. No one is all that cute in this group…"

"Excuse me!" Kyan said. "I beg to differ."

"You guys aren't my type- that's all I’m saying."

"Ted?"

Carson tensed just a little. "What about Ted?"

"He's not your type."

"That's right. He's not. He's married to Barry."

"And if he wasn't?"

"What's the point of having this conversation? Ted and Barry are together. They've been together for years now, and they will stay together for years."

"But if Barry wasn't in the picture?" Kyan asked again.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I can."

Carson looked at him. "Is it that obvious?"

"Nah, I just know you too well." He shrugged. "So you've got a crush. We've all had crushes on unattainable men. It's no big deal. You aren't going to go break them up."

"I would never!" Carson gasped.

"That's what I'm saying. You would never do that. You want Ted to be happy."

"Of course." He paused. "How did we start talking about this? It's not supposed to be about me. We are dealing with you!"

"I'm trying to forget about it."

"But think of the outcome. There is no way that Thom is going to turn you down."

"How do you know that? He's hurting pretty bad."

"You didn't mean it though! He'll have to understand that when you explain it to him. And then when you tell him you love him… my God, it's so sappy sweet that I want to throw up!"

"Thanks," Kyan gritted.

"How much longer are we in this sweat room?"

"It's called a steam room, and only for a few more minutes. You are such a baby."

"I just don't want to disappoint you."

"Then we have a massage and a manicure. We'll be out of here in less than two hours." He glanced at Carson. "Besides what kind of plans do you have tonight?"

"Oh, don't even go there. I'm doing all I can to avoid the tenth floor."

"Was it that bad?"

"No, actually, it was quite nice, but I don't want anymore from that guy than last night. The less chance I have of running into him the better."

"Well, we'll be leaving in the morning, so…"

"Speaking of which, what time are you and Jai leaving?"

"Our flight is at seven. And we'll be in Milwaukee until Saturday night."

"Great, which means I'll have to put up with Ted and Thom for thirty-six hours."

"As if that's a bad thing."

"Yes, it will be!" Carson stressed. "Ted will be moaning about how much he misses Barry and now Thom will start moaning about how much he misses you!"

"Thom would do no such thing," Kyan said, shaking his head. "Jai and I are only going to be away from you guys for a handful of hours!"

"And that's another thing… what happens if Thom turns you down tonight. You are going to be stuck with Jai for that long with no else there to protect you! You better sleep with one eye open."

"Your confidence is just so invigorating."

"Oh, everything will be peachy fine."

"Good god," Kyan mumbled.

"Okay, now I seriously can't breathe. How is steam good for you? I feel as if my lungs are going to explode."

Kyan rolled his eyes at Carson's attempt to hyperventilate. Seconds into his act, the spa's masseuse came to collect them. They were given warm bathrobes to put on, then each was guided into a dark, candlelit room.

"This is just what I need," Kyan said as he climbed onto the plush table. He could feel each muscle tighten every time his thoughts began to wander off to "the worst case scenario" of the night's events.

As soon as he lay down, he panicked about the watch, which was something he seemed to be doing every second. He reminded himself that Ted had it, and if there was anybody he could trust it was Ted. He just hoped he could trust Jai to get Thom fully functional within the next few hours. Nothing would work if he didn't.

An hour later, Carson emerged from his room with a bounce in his step and a glow to his skin.

"What's with you?" Kyan asked as his friend gracefully fell into the chair and offered his fingers to the woman across from him.

"That was the best massage I've ever had!"

Kyan groaned. "It was a guy, wasn't it?"

"A very hot guy!" Carson added. "This was a great idea, K!"

"You are something else."

"HE was something else. His hands were just amazing."

"I don't understand you. You must have some sort of screw loose in your sex drive. It's all you think about!"

"As if you don't," Carson stated. "When you think about T---"

Kyan glared at him, then motioned with his eyes to the people milling around them.

"Terrance," Carson blurted out to cover up.

"Terrance?"

"Yeah, him… when you think of him---"

"Oh, my God, just stop," Kyan pleaded.

Carson kept quiet for a few seconds. "But you do, don’t you?"

"This is not the time or the place." He refused to make eye contact with Carson, annoyed with the fact he was taking this time to ask him about sex with Thom.

"Mr. Douglas, there is a phone call for you." One of the spa employees was standing over him with a phone in her hand.

Instantly, he started to panic. Carson didn't help by muttering an obscenity under his breath.

"Thank you," he said, politely, taking the phone. "Hello."

"It's Ted."

"What's wrong?"

"All this stuff just arrived at your room. What do you want me to do with it?"

"Use your imagination!" Kyan hissed.

"I'm not the decorating guy! I don't know what to do with this stuff. He should be here to…"

"We can't ask him now, can we?"

Ted chuckled. "Guess you got a point there."

"Look, Carson and I are almost done here. We'll be up soon." He desperately wanted to ask where Thom was, but held his tongue.

"Oh, Andrew came looking for you about an hour ago."

"What did he have to say?"

"The car is picking you and Jai up at four-thirty tomorrow morning."

Kyan groaned, already feeling tired.

"Andrew wanted me to pass along how important it was for you to be on that plane tomorrow."

"What the hell does he think I'm going to do?"

"I don't know. Obviously the guy isn't as stupid as we thought. He knows something is up. And it is kind of weird that no one has seen you all day!"

"We are not required to check in with the crew on our day off," Kyan said. "They can speculate all they want." He paused. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"No, not really."

Kyan sighed. "Nothing at all?"

"Well, what do you want me to tell--- Oh!"

"Yes," he said, relieved.

"Jai and him are in his room right now. We got him in the shower. I think he's feeling better. Jai's already working on him to get out of the room."

"What is he saying?" Carson asked, smacking Kyan's arm.

Kyan waved him off. "And what else?"

"What else? I don't know what else. He hasn't mentioned your name in about two hours."

"Great," he said sarcastically. "Thanks for that information."

"His eyes aren't as puffy as they were earlier."

"Ted!"

"Okay, okay, wrong things to say. Look, everything will be okay, okay? Don't worry about it?"

"Don't worry about it? We are talking about… " He let his sentence trail off, knowing that Ted would get the hint.

"Yes, I know. I know! You love him. He loves you. Blah, blah, blah. It shouldn't be this hard. Men and their damn insecurities."

"As much fun as this conversation has been, I'm hanging up now."

"Oh, don't get all upset," Ted said. "I'm not making fun of you or him. I'm just… exhausted. And I hate seeing the two of you keeping doing this to each other."

"Well, what do you think I'm trying to fix? Do you not think I'm tired?"

"I think… I think… Christ, there is someone else at your door!"

"Well, go answer it, and don’t forget to tip them."

"Like you need to remind me of that!"

"I'll pay you back when Car and I get up there. Talk to you soon."

"Alright, bye."

"See ya."

"What was that all about?" Carson asked, eagerly, once the employee moved away.

"Nothing important."

Carson huffed. "That's all you are going to say to me."

"Yes," Kyan answered. "Now, shut up."

Carson managed not say another word, sensing his friend needed some serious time to think. They were quiet until they got into the elevator.

"Are you nervous?" Carson finally asked him, soothingly.

"Terrified."

Carson touched his hand sympathetically.

"Honestly, what do you think will happen?" Kyan asked him.

"He'd be a fool to let you go," he answered, not even pausing to think. "But I don't think he will, Kyan. If Thom told you he loves you, then he does. He won't give up on that so easily."

Kyan smiled a little. "Thanks."

"It still doesn't make you any less scared, does it?"

"Nope."

The two of them raced down the hall, and quickly entered Kyan's room.

"Oh, good, you guys are back," Ted said. "You owe me ten bucks."

"Nice to see you, too," Kyan said, opening his wallet. "Do you have the watch?"

"Yes."

Carson picked up a few packages from the floor. "Where's Jai? Is he helping?"

"His job is to get Thom to me," Kyan informed them. "Now both of you scram. I have to get ready."

"Alright, bye, peanut," Carson said, kissing his cheek.

Kyan kissed Ted goodbye as well, then called Jai once they had left.

"How's it going?" Kyan asked, kicking off his shoes. "You think he'll be ready?"

"Yeah, he's coming around," Jai whispered. "When do you need him?"

"About an hour. I have to take a shower, get changed. Ted and Carson just left."

"Okay, don't worry about it. He'll be there. I promise."

"Can you promise me more than that?" Kyan asked.

Jai hesitated. "I can't really talk."

Kyan's shoulders dropped. "Okay," he said defeated. "I'll see you in an hour."

"We'll be there. Bye."

"Bye." Kyan hung up the phone then shuffled towards the bathroom, wondering if he should even bother.

None of his friends were sounding very hopeful. Jai, according to him, sounded downright miserable- as if he was trying to break it to him delicately that Thom was going to break his heart. He tried to think positively once he stepped under the hot water, but his mind kept reaching the horrible conclusion.

"I might have really destroyed him today. Even though it was not my intention… God, Thom, it was not what I wanted to do, I swear!"

He rubbed shampoo into his scalp.

"How many more tests do we have to endure to be together? How much more do we have to go through to… How many more times do we have to misunderstand and misinterpret everything that we do and say?"

Dunking his head underneath the trickling water, he looked up before closing his eyes. "God, please, don't give him to me, then take him away. I can't live my life without him. I don't want to live my life without him. He has to…" He swallowed thickly, feeling the fear rise up in his body.

He already felt his mind start to go insane at the thought and reminded himself to tell Carson or all of them to be close by when the whole scene went down in case it did turn ugly.

"And then how would it be tomorrow? Next week? The next few years! I'd have to quit. That's all there is to it. I wouldn't be able to face him every day."

He thought about having to quit his job and a whole new fear came over him. He was contractually bound to "Queer Eye" at least for the next three seasons. Not only that, he didn't want to have to leave Carson, Ted and Jai. He loved what he was doing and enjoyed every second of it.

"But the reason I want to go to work everyday is also because of Thom. Because I know he's going to be there. I see him all the time, and I don't want to… No, no. It's going to be okay. Thom loves you. He's told you over and over again. You can't just give up on love so easily. Unless he can… Oh, God."

The two and half hours spent at the spa didn't seem to do him any good. By the time he was pulling his jeans on, he was an overly tensed mess. His hands were shaking as he styled his hair. He refused to look himself in the eye, trying to quell the torrid thoughts that filtered through his mind.

There was a soft knock at the door, and he froze.

"Who is it?" he choked.

"It's---"

"Thom, what the hell are you doing?" Jai yelled.

Kyan rushed to door and pressed his eye to the peephole. Thom had turned his back to look at Jai, who was running up to him.

"You lied to me! You told me he left town already!"

"No, we never said he left town," Jai explained.

"But you made me think he did! I just want to talk to him," Thom said. "Why can't I just talk to him! You guys are keeping me away from him- and I don't want to be kept away! I want to know what the hell happened this morning. I want to know why he left."

"Come on," said Jai, taking his arm. "You were just starting to… stop being so emotional."

Kyan felt his heart completely shatter as Jai lead Thom away from the door. He could hear it in Thom's voice- the amount of pain he was feeling. Closing his eyes for a second he wished he could go back twelve hours and start over.

"Twelve days would be better."

Pushing himself away, he finished getting ready- tugging on the shirt that Carson had picked out for him before their appointment, then slipping on his boots. He sprayed a cloud of sweet cologne into the air before walking away. Tucking his key into his back pocket, he glanced out the peephole to make sure the coast was clear, then left his room.

<<Previous  Allison Main  Next>>