Chapter 17

"Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"

The ballroom erupted into cheers for the fourth time that evening, helping the West Coast ring in 2004. Carson jumped into Eric's arms, while Jai, Ted, Kyan and Thom passed around friendly kisses.

"Alright," said Ted over the loud singing. "That's my cue to turn in."

"Aw, you aren't going to wait for Hawaii?" Jai teased.

"I think it's time for all of us to head up," Kyan yawned. "I can't believe I've
stayed up this late after the chaos of the past few days."

"Are you talking about work or… personal?" Carson slurred, leaning in.

"Yup, time to go," Thom agreed, grabbing Carson before he fell to the floor.

"Come on, my sex slave," Carson said, hanging his arm over Eric's shoulders. "We'll have our own party."

"Oh, good god," Ted sighed as they all made their way out of the party and trudged through the lobby.

"Wait," Carson exclaimed once they reached the elevators and started into the first open one. "Which one was it?"

"For crying out loud," Jai hissed.

"Oh my god," Thom groaned.

"Not this one," Kyan gritted. "Now get your ass on the damn thing."

"Just making sure," Carson grinned. "Didn't want to step in any kind of rancid puddle or anything."

Thom covered his face with his hand and shook his head.

"Such tact," Ted chuckled.

"What floor, honey?" Carson murmured to Eric.

"Ten," he answered.

Jai glanced at Kyan and Ted before pushing the button for the floors.

"What are you guys doing tomorrow?" Thom asked.

"Sleeping," Jai groaned. "We leave so early Friday morning."

"And the two of us have that Home and Garden show convention thing to go to," Kyan whined.

"Yeah, how come you two are going to that?" Ted asked. "Thom should be the one…"

"Hey, I'm booked for Cleveland at the end of the month," Thom pointed out. "And Carson is booked for Detroit next weekend. We all have to do our share."

"Except for Ted, obviously," Jai said.

"My weekends are for Barry," Ted exclaimed. "I have my priorities."

"Oh, good lord," Kyan groaned.

The loud slurping sounds made all of them turn in Carson and Eric's direction. Carson had pinned him against the back of the elevator and was kissing him sloppily. It didn't look like Eric was minding in the least bit.

"That's… I'm going to have nightmares," Jai shuddered.

"At least he's getting some," Ted frowned.

"Oh, please!" Jai snapped, playfully. "Everyone in this elevator has been getting some, except for me."

"He's got a point," Thom said.

Jai scrunched his face together. "Thanks for the support, Thom."

"Not a problem." He reached over and gave Jai a few head rubs.

"I thought you were going to ask that guy out from that show you just finished doing," Ted said.

"He chickened out!" Thom announced.

"Christ," Jai hissed.

"Well, you did! If you had any balls you could be screwing someone right now, just like the rest of us."

Kyan shifted his weight. Thom glanced at him, feeling his tension.

"Okay, I don't want to talk about this anymore," Jai sighed. "I'm too exhausted nowadays to sleep with anyone. I want to concentrate on my career."

"That's such bullshit," Ted chuckled.

Jai mocked him.

The elevator slowed, and the doors opened to the lobby of the 10th floor.

"Hey!" Thom yelled, smacking Carson on the back of the head.

"Ow," Carson whined. "That wasn't very nice, Thommy."

"The bed awaits," Ted announced. "Our sanity as well."

Carson took Eric's hand. "Hope you girls have just as much fun as I will tonight."

"Car, don't forget we have an appointment tomorrow at three!" Kyan yelled as the doors started to close.

They heard a muffled "whatever", then started the ascend to their floor.

"What appointment?" Thom asked, curiously.

"At the spa downstairs."

"Oh."

Kyan looked at him out of the corner of his eye. It was obvious that Thom wanted to go with him, yet Kyan didn't say anything. He was still trying to figure out how he was going to tell Thom how he felt about him.

"Okay, not to be nosey or rude," Ted ventured. "But let's pretend I want to talk to one of you in the morning, where would I find you?"

"I'll be in my room," Jai answered.

"For the love of God, I wasn't talking to you!"

"I know, geez!"

"We'll be in my room," Thom said, then looking at Kyan. "Right?"

"Right," he repeated.

Kyan saw the look of worry cross Ted's face before he smiled. The look reflected how Kyan felt. He had no clue how he was going to be able to make himself not leave when the sun rose.

They rode the rest of the way in silence- not speaking until they were in the hallway, saying goodnight. Once Ted and Jai disappeared into their rooms, Thom took Kyan's hand.

"Can we go to my room first?" Kyan asked. "I have to wash my face, change clothes…."

"Sure," Thom said, squeezing his hand. He stepped behind Kyan, who was trying to find his room key, and wrapped his arm around his waist. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Mad about what?" Kyan asked, laughing nervously as he slid the plastic card into the door.

"Making you dance with me…"

"You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do." He pushed the door open, using his foot to keep it from closing, and leaned back against Thom. "I liked being in your arms."

"Hmm, me, too," he mumbled, brushing his lips against Kyan's neck.

Hearing the elevator ding, they both froze momentarily, then ushered themselves into the room so no one would see them. The door had barely closed before Thom was kissing him, sipping at his lips with delicacy.

"You know I don't think we are just screwing each other," Thom whispered.

"I know," Kyan said, smiling a little.

"I saw your reaction to what I said to Jai and Ted."

His cheeks flushed, and he looked away in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I--"

"Don't be sorry," Thom jumped in. "Tell me what you need to hear, Ky." He kissed him lightly. "I'll yell it from the rooftops that we made love, that I love you with all my heart, if that's what you need to understand how I feel about you."

"I just need you to keep telling me," Kyan muttered, sliding his arms around Thom's neck. "To show me."

"I don't want to live without you," he murmured.

They kissed passionately until Kyan was pressed up against the wall, gasping for breath. Thom's arms seemed to have sprouted ten hands that were roaming over his body. Kyan lost all sight of where he was and what was going on. Raising his knee a little, he cradled Thom's hips against his and sighed contently at how right it felt. He turned his head a little and let Thom's lips, tongue, and teeth devour him. He was far too consumed to care about the red blotches he would be faced with later.

"Are you okay?" Thom panted.

"I don't want you to stop," Kyan moaned, tilting his head back more so Thom would have access to his skin.

"We have to stop," he growled. "Wait until I get you into bed."

Kyan quivered, then forced himself to look at him. Instantly, Thom's lips covered his, and they held on to each other in desperate need.

The knock on the door made them both jump. Kyan slumped against the wall in exhaustion when Thom stepped back.

"Who is it?" he barked.

"Oh, good, you guys are in there." It was Ted. "I hate to bother you, but… could you open the door?"

Thom looked at Kyan and felt his knees shake. Kyan's chest was heaving as he gulped in air. His lips were swollen. His skin was red. A few buttons on his shirt had been tugged loose. He looked delicious.

"What?" Kyan asked, feeling Thom's eyes on him.

"I---" He reached over and yanked the door open to keep himself from saying something completely ridiculous.

"Hey," Ted said.

Thom cleared his throat. "Hey, what's up?"

Ted looked around him. "Where's Kyan?"

"He's right…" Thom turned and found the spot empty.

"I'm in the bathroom," Kyan yelled. "Washing my face."

"Perfect," Ted said, scooting pass Thom.

"What the hell…" He closed the door and followed Ted.

"At the house you said you were going to give me that new moisturizer," Ted said.

"Oh, yeah," Kyan said. "That's right." He grabbed a towel and patted his face before searching the bottles that lined the countertop. He tossed it to Ted once he found it. "Just use it at night."

"Cool, thanks. See ya in the morning."

"Okay, goodnight."

Kyan heard Ted say goodbye to Thom before the door shut. He hovered above the sink; his heart pounding as he waited for Thom to come to him. After a few seconds of silence, the TV came to life. He sighed- his heart dropping just a little, then continued his nightly ritual.

"You ready?" Thom asked when he finally emerged.

"Yeah, just let me grab some clothes." He rounded the bed to the desk where his suitcase was perched.

"You aren't going to need much," Thom said, reaching over and grabbing at his butt.

"Stop," he protested, chuckling and moving away just a bit.

"You aren't very convincing."

"Thom," Kyan warned.

"What? I can't help it! Nice, tight butt like that… Damn!"

"Are you always this horny?" He looked over his shoulder at him.

Thom cocked his eyebrow. "You have no idea."

That peaked Kyan's interested. "Oh, really?" He tucked a t-shirt and pair of boxers under his arm and turned to him. "Care to elaborate?"

Thom flipped off the TV and hopped off the bed. "You'll just have to find out for yourself," he whispered, then kissing Kyan quickly. He took his free hand and dragged him to the door. "Come on. The quicker we get to my room, the quicker we can…." He grinned. "Sleep."

"I’m tired," Kyan whined as they made their way down the hall.

"So," he teased. "You'll wake up." He pushed open the door.

"Thom, wait." Kyan hesitated just as he was about to cross the threshold.

"What?" he asked, turning to face him.

"I…"

Thom stepped forward in concern at the look on his face. "Ky?"

"Is it all about sex?"

"Is what all about sex?"

"This!" Kyan motioned with his hand between the two of them. "Is this why you love me? Because we have great sex?"

"What!" Thom said, mortified.

"I---"

Thom cut him off by stepping forward and kissing him, even though they were in plain sight of anyone that might be coming down the hallway.

"No…" Kyan breathed, turning away.

"Damn it, Kyan," Thom whispered, pressing his forehead against Kyan's temple. "Don't you get it?"

"No," he choked.

"We have great sex because we are in love!" He closed his eyes. "Because I love you," he corrected quietly.

"Thom…" he whimpered.

"Come into the room with me." He took a deep breath. "I promise you- whatever you want, Ky."

Guided by the tone of Thom's voice, Kyan slowly started in. He felt as if the room was going to swallow him up, and that scared him to death.

"God, please don't let morning come."

When the door shut behind him, his stomach must've flipped over a million times. He swore a part of him felt as if a cell was being slammed shut, and that small part started the panic to rise in his throat.

"Tell me what you want," Thom whispered.

"I… I don't know," he groaned. "I just don't want to feel this way."

"Oh my God." Thom's jaw went numb, and he thought for sure he was going to vomit right on the spot.

"Oh, no, no," Kyan jumped, whipping around to see the color drain from Thom's face. "I didn't mean how I feel about… Shit."

Placing his hand on the wall to keep steady, Thom walked towards the bed. He couldn't feel his legs at all.

"So what did you mean?" He managed to slide his body on the mattress and looked up at Kyan. "Tell me! What did you mean?"

He sighed. "I only meant I didn't want to feel scared anymore. I don't want to second-guess everything that comes out of your mouth! I want to trust you and believe you, which has everything to do with me- and not you!" He squatted down and put his hands on Thom's knees. "Not you."

Thom gulped in air to calm his breaking nerves. "Tell me what to do!"

"I can't!" Kyan said. "I don't know! This is my problem!"

"No!" Thom argued. "This is our problem. I want to help you!"

Kyan rubbed his hand across his face. "I’m exhausted. We can't talk about this right now."

"Don--"

"I’m not!" Kyan stated. "I'm tired! I can't have this conversation with you when I don't even know how I'm feeling!"

"You know how you feel!" Thom accused. "You just can't admit to yourself!"

Kyan stood up and backed away. "Fine, Thom! You are right, okay? It still doesn't make it any easier for to me express that to you!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't give you want you need right now! I told you that before…."

"Okay, okay," he said, moving to the edge of the bed and grabbing Kyan's shirt before he could walk away. "Come here."

Kyan listened to his nagging longing and sunk into him, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," Thom breathed, holding him close. "I hate seeing you hurting. And I'm a little selfish."

"Just a little," Kyan said, giving him a crooked smile.

Thom reached up and ran his finger down Kyan's soft cheek. "I'll try to be more patient. I promise. Just don't walk out on this because I'm neurotic and needy."

"If anyone is neurotic and needy, it's me."

Thom cupped the back of Kyan's head and pulled him down. "We're a perfect match."

Kyan gripped Thom's shoulder as their lips touched. He moaned happily, causing Thom to deepen the kiss. Kyan melted, sagging against Thom's body as he reveled in the way Thom's full, pouty lips caressed his. Their tongues tangled in a sea of need, and their chests rose and fell rapidly.

"More," Kyan muttered, when Thom pulled away.

He didn't wait for answer and went after what he wanted, drawing Thom back into him. He had lost count at how many times they had kissed by this point, but each time felt new to him- his body springing to life; his nerves tingling with desire; his toes curling.

"Ky," Thom groaned, heavily.

Kyan nibbled on Thom's bottom lip and dipped his tongue into his gapping mouth. Thom literally shuddered.

"Feel good?" Kyan breathed; his lips brushing against Thom's as he talked.

"Yeah," he groaned.

"Good."

Thom's hand dropped to Kyan's shirt as they continued to kiss. Slowly, he pulled at the buttons, brushing his fingertips against his skin.

"What are you doing?" Kyan asked, a hint of playfulness behind his voice.

"Helping you get undress for bed," Thom said, innocently.

Kyan took Thom's hand away from his chest and lowered his mouth to his fingers, nipping at the tips seductively.

"When's the last time you had a manicure?" Kyan mumbled, running his lips over the nails.

"Saturday," Thom panted. "W…why?"

Kyan looked up at him. His eyes filling with sexual desire.

"Christ," Thom groaned. "I don't know what's weirder- you being turned on by that or me being turned on by you being turned on by that."

"Everything about you turns me on," Kyan confessed.

Thom's eyes fluttered slightly. "Ky… we can't…"

Kyan heard it in his voice that he was taking all his willpower to stop him. He agreed though, not wanting to add more confusion to his already overdriven feelings. Kissing him just lightly, he slid off of his lap.

"I'm going to go change for bed," he said, picking up his small pile of clothes.

"Okay," Thom grunted, obviously battling his discomfort.

Kyan wasn’t without his own and carefully made his way to the bathroom. Closing the door, he fell against it and whimpered.

"How can one man do this to me? How is it that he makes me feel as if I'm the only person on earth?" He hypnotically finished the unbuttoning of his shirt. "How come I can still feel where he has touched me? I can still feel him inside me." His eyes shut to indulge in his thoughts. "I can still taste him, smell him… Want him." He swallowed. "Why can't I tell him?"

The harsh reality seemed to snap him out of his trance, and he finished pulling his nightclothes on in a daze of mixed emotions. He took off his jewelry, placing it on the vanity, then folded his clothes before shoving them underneath the sink. Haphazardly, he tweaked his hair, smoothed down his t-shirt, turned around to check his butt, then headed back out to where Thom was waiting.

He was already underneath the covers and flipping through the TV stations. "Well, come on," he said, glancing at Kyan, who was just standing at the foot of the bed, watching him. "I promise I won't bite… unless you want me to."

Thom didn't have a shirt on, and Kyan wondered if he should take his off as he climbed across the covers and slid in.

"What are we watching?" he asked.

"The News," Thom stated, slipping his arm around his shoulders.

Kyan cuddled next to him and immediately began to run his fingers up and down Thom's bare chest. "Something going on?" he asked.

"Nah, not really. But after being stuck in that house for the past three days I feel out of touch with the world."

Kyan's eyes shifted around the room. "So what do you think of this place?"

Thom chuckled. "You don't want to hear this."

"Yes, I do," Kyan said, tilting his head back a little to look at him. "What do you think?"

"It's horrible!" Thom ranted. "The color is all wrong. The furniture placement is absurd. The bed should be on that wall, not this one. The desk is way too big. This dresser thing looks cheap. The carpet needs to be replaced. The only thing decent and comforting is this comforter, which doesn't even match the whole theme of this room." He paused. "Although I still haven't quite figured out what the theme is here."

"I think it's just supposed to be a hotel room," Kyan said, smiling.

"Okay, who is the designer here?"

Kyan held up his hand. "Sorry!"

"I'm scared of these sheets- who knows what is still on them…"

"Oh, god, Thom!"

"Hey, you've seen that Dateline episode where they did the test on hotel room sheets- it's disgusting."

"You're crazy."

"Oh, wait, I love the balcony. I could live out there. It's beautiful. Although the furniture out there is really stale, which is a shame in itself because the hotel is gorgeous. I would love to see one of their suites, which makes me wonder why we didn't get a suite. I think we should request suites in Wisconsin. Maybe I'll talk to Bec tomorrow about it. They transport us in limos and then we get crappy rooms. Does that seem right to you? Of course, with a suite sometimes there are more than one bedroom per room which makes some of us probably have to share. I love Carson to death, but there is no way in hell I would share a room with him. He talks way too much, and he---"

"He talks too much?" Kyan cut in. "You haven't taken a breath yet!"

"Well, you are the one that asked me about this place!"

"I'm almost sorry I asked."

"Hmm," Thom said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

Kyan kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Keep talking."

"Okay, so as I was saying. The lighting in here is terrible. I should make a donation of these lamps I found at the store where I got Travis's furniture. Too bad I couldn't use them in his place. But the bathroom is nice. No cracked tiles or drippy faucets- and you can't go wrong with the classic black and white. I would love to design an entire hotel. After doing those apartments on Atlantic Avenue, this would be a snap. I wonder if I could fit it in between shows at some point. I should call---"

"You aren't going to call anyone!" Kyan stressed. "You are working yourself ragged!"

"I'm fine."

"Thom, you look exhausted!"

"Well, in my defense, my lack of sleep hasn't been much about work lately."

Kyan grimaced. "Thanks for bring that up."

"Don't get all huffy," he teased, brushing his leg up against Kyan's. "I think I'm going to sleep fine tonight."

"I can't imagine why."

Thom reached across his body and cupped Kyan's chin, lifting it up. "Let me sleep well the rest of the week."

Kyan licked his lips. "How?"

"Share a room with me in Wisconsin."

The hand that was stroking Thom's chest circled around his neck as Thom leaned in for a soft kiss.

"What about the crew?" Kyan said.

"What about them?" He kissed him again- quickly, lightly.

"Everyone will find out."

"What will they find out exactly?" He traced Kyan's bottom lip with his thumb, then brushed it with his own lips.

"That we are seeing each other," Kyan whispered, breathlessly.

"Are we seeing each other?" he asked, leaning in more and sending Kyan's body back.

Kyan gripped Thom's neck to keep from falling to the bed. Thom kissed him hungrily, taking control and wrapping his arm around Kyan's waist and guiding him down to the mattress. Kyan arched his back to reach Thom and kissed him back with passion.

"Are we, Ky?" His voice was husky and low. He hovered above Kyan and dipped his hand underneath Kyan's shirt, massaging his skin.

"Thom," he groaned, lifting his hips just slightly off the bed and wrapping his leg around Thom's.

Thom reached over and flipped off the light that was on the nightstand, encasing them in the flickering blue of the TV. He slid his body down the next to Kyan, propping himself up on his side and his elbow so he could continue to touch Kyan while looking at him.

"Your skin is so soft," Thom whispered.

A small smile played on Kyan's lips. He grasped the bottom of his shirt with his hands. Pulling his back up, he yanked the garment over his head and tossed it across the room. Thom's hand wasted no time- he caressed every inch of body until Kyan was moaning in satisfaction.

"I can't believe how incredibly beautiful you are," Thom muttered.

Kyan reached up and pulled him down to kiss him. Thom's hand slid down his side, tickling him. Kyan squirmed, rubbing his body against his until Thom moaned erotically.

"Are you going to answer me?" Thom asked, when they pulled away.

Kyan brushed a few strands of hair that fell across Thom's forehead. "I already told you."

"I want to hear you say yes." Thom continued to stroke him, wanting to have Kyan's body jolt against him when he hit the overly sensitive spots.

"What was the question again?"

"Damn you!" Thom said, attacking him with playful tickles.

Kyan threw his head back and screamed in laughter.

"I won't stop until you answer me," Thom threatened, lifting himself up into a sitting position so he could use both hands.

Kyan flopped around the bed, trying to avoid Thom's antics.

"Answer me," Thom demanded.

"Stop it!" he screamed in hysterics.

"Nope."

Kyan began to grab at Thom's waist to fight back.

"Oh, no!" Thom said, laughing and dodging his grasp.

"My God!" Kyan screeched.

"You can't touch me," he taunted.

Kyan managed to pull himself a little and get a good grab on Thom, who yelped in surprise. Soon, they were both laughing and out of breath. The bed sheets had wrapped around them due to Kyan's kicking legs.

"Have to stop," Kyan whizzed. "Can't breathe."

"Me, either," Thom puffed, collapsing his upper body on Kyan.

"Christ, I'm tired."

"Me, too."

Kyan reached around them and tried to straighten the bedspread. When he couldn't, he grew frustrated. "Do you think you could help me here?"

"Quite possibly," Thom said. "What do I get out of it?"

"Well, what do you want?"

Thom lifted his head to look at him. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Ugh," Kyan groaned, pushing him off. "You are a pig."

Thom chuckled as he sat up to fix the sheets, then turned off the TV.

"How do you think Carson is doing?" Kyan asked, rolling over onto his side.

"I think Carson is going to hate the morning," Thom said, settling on his back. He looked at Kyan, seeing the outline of his body facing away from him.

"That's usually how it is with him though." Kyan cleared his throat. "He'll be fine."

"Yeah."

Kyan kept his eyes open, wondering when Thom was going to touch him. There suddenly seemed to be a wall between them.

"Goodnight," Thom mumbled.

"Goodnight," Kyan whispered.

Thom shifted a little, then was completely still. The room was eerily quiet. It seemed like forever for Kyan to gather some courage up.

"Thom?"

"Yeah," he answered.

Kyan closed his eyes as if it would make everything easier. "Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes," he said louder.

Thom rolled over and wrapped his arm around Kyan's waist. When their bodies settled against each other, Kyan tucked his head under Thom's chin and tangled their legs together. Thom stroked Kyan's stomach lazily.

"I love you," he whispered.

Kyan choked back the tears that suddenly burned the backs of his eyelids. He knew Thom was waiting for an answer, and it slowly killed him to feel Thom giving up. Drifting off to sleep, he could only hope he would wake up and be able to tell Thom how he truly felt.

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