Chapter 7

"Gate 10C," Kyan mumbled, slinging his bag over his shoulder after plucking it from the conveyor belt at security checkpoint. He stifled a yawn.

The pill he popped before leaving for the airport was finally kicking in. He hated to fly, ever since he was a kid he hated to fly and ever since September 11th his fear had almost gotten out of control. His doctor had prescribed a mild sedative to steady his nerves so he was able to get on a plane without having a mental breakdown.

"Too bad there isn't a pill to help me face Thom."

He was determined to face him. He was going to make Thom listen to him if it was the last thing he did. The past few days had been very therapeutic. His mother gave him some good advice and spending time with Carson the day after Christmas had did wonders for his attitude and his spirit. It didn't hurt that he was slightly high at the moment as well.

The "Queer Eye" crew was spilling out into the wide hallway: cameramen, make-up crew, wardrobe crew, construction workers, artists, assistants… it was an on-going list, and every single one of them would be crammed into one airplane and one hotel. It was going to be a long journey. Right after they wrapped in Texas, they were heading up to Wisconsin. Packing was unbearable- having to pack shorts and t-shirts for the south stop and then turning around to make sure gloves, hats, and winter coats were stowed in the suitcase for the following week. Kyan alone had three suitcases, granted two of them were slightly smaller than normal, but three was still three. He didn't want to think about how many bags Carson had checked.

"There you are!" said Andrew, their keeper. He was the one that had been put in charge of making sure the five of them were on time and in the right place for the next two weeks. Carson was already thinking of ways to ditch the annoying subject.

"Are the rest of them here?" Kyan asked.

"Yes. They are waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?"

"You guys are supposed to have some sort of conversation before we get on the plane," Andrew bumbled. "I'm not sure really. It was all pretty confusing to me."

"I bet," Kyan grumbled under his breath.

"Your eyes are all red. Are you feeling okay?"

"Great," he hissed, digging for his sunglasses. "These damn pills." He looked at Andrew. "I'm fine. Just tired." He slipped the glasses on. He refused to make any of them think his eyes were red from crying, and with his eyes shielded he could look at Thom without him knowing. "Christ, I'm turning into a stalker."

"Kyan! Hey, buddy!" Ted called the second he entered the crowded gate.

"Nice shades," Carson commented. "You look hot."

"Oh, shut up…"

"We thought you weren't going to make it," Jai said, as Kyan joined them in the corner.

"Did you have a nice Christmas?" Ted asked.

"Yeah, it was nice," Kyan said, forcing himself to look at Thom, who had been standing there the whole time and had not made one sound.

Thom didn't look overly crushed or depressed at all. In fact, he looked slightly elated with a tint to his cheeks and the bright colored shirt he was wearing. He looked at Kyan, and his body moved just a little.

Kyan noticed the movement immediately. It was as if Thom's initial response was to go to him- to hug him. He saw Thom's eyes finally. There he could tell how Thom was really feeling. The vibrant, sparkle in his eyes had faded. They told the tale of hurt and pain. Kyan looked away quickly, unable to stand how he was feeling, to know he had done it. A part of him just wanted to runaway- just leave it all behind: the job, the friends, the love.

"Before we get on the plane we need to have a little chat," Ted started.

"About what?" Kyan asked.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses?" asked Jai.

"What difference does it make? He looks fantastic," Carson crooned.

"I took that pill before I left home. It's doing wonders to my eyes."

"What pill?" Thom asked.

Jai, Carson, and Ted literally froze. It was the first words he had spoken to Kyan in a week. They braced themselves.

"So I can get on the plane," Kyan explained, quickly.

"Oh, yeah," Thom mumbled. "I forgot about that."

"Which reminds me," Kyan said. "Which one of you lucky bastards gets to hold my hand during take off and landing?"

Three pairs of eyes swiveled to Thom. Kyan didn't dare look at him, even though his heart was pounding in hope.

"We'll talk about that later," Carson shot out before anyone could say anything. "Now, what you were going to say, Ted?"

"What are you doing?" Jai hissed at him.

"Shh," Carson hushed him.

"Okay," said Ted. "I know things have… changed in this group."

Kyan glanced at Thom, who had glanced at him quickly.

"I just want to make sure it doesn't affect our chemistry on camera because the fans will know. They are pretty sharp, and they'll pick up on things like this. Also, it might not be my place to say, but staff and crew should be left out of it as well. They talk and the next thing you know…"

"It's all over the press," Carson finished.

"Exactly," said Ted, surveying the group. "Look, I know it's easier said than done when it comes to the situation at hand, but try and act like it was before… or until everything gets straightened out."

"Everything has been straightened out," Thom said, coldly. "I got the message loud and clear when my front door slammed."

"I've been trying to get a hold of you all week!" Kyan shot back. "You haven't returned my calls. If you had picked up the phone--"

"If you hadn't walked out on me!" Thom growled.

"I didn't walk out."

"Oh, no, I'm sorry- ran is more like it!"

"Just let me explain…"

"You've said enough," Thom hissed. "I don't ca---"

"Okay, stop it!" Ted jumped in. "This is exactly what I'm talking about! You guys can't go around acting like this."

Thom placed his hands on his hips. "I really have nothing to say to him."

"You are such a terrible liar," Jai announced. "All of us can see right through you! You are dying to---"

"Shut up, Jai," Carson warned, cutting him off.

"Well, I have something to say to you," Kyan plowed ahead, not even paying attention to what Jai had been saying.

"And what makes you think I'm going to stand here and listen?" Thom asked.

"Oh my god!" Ted said. "You two have to stop! We can't go to Texas like this. It will ruin what we have as a group."

"He won't listen to me," Kyan said. "I can't do anything about it."

"Yes, you can," Ted lectured. "The two of you are going to leave whatever this is, good and bad, here in New York."

"Oh, come on, Ted," Carson chimed in. "You are asking the impossible."

"No, I'm not. It's simple- separate your personal life from your professional life."

"But---"

"Fine," said Kyan, squaring his shoulders. "It'll be left here. I have no problem with it. Do you, Thom?"

He smiled superficially sweet. "No, no problem. It's all forgotten."

"Good, that's settle," Kyan said. "I need a cigarette." He pivoted on his heel and headed out of the gate towards the smoking area.

"You're nuts," Carson said to Ted before rushing after Kyan.

"I'm going to kill you," Thom directed at Jai.

"He had a point," Ted observed. "You aren't a very good liar."

"We'll be right back," Carson informed Andrew, so the man wouldn't follow him. "Kyan and I just need to have a smoke before the flight."

"Oh, okay," Andrew said, slightly confused.

"He's being an ass," Kyan stated, tossing Carson the lighter.

"Oh, he's being Thom. He's hurt."

"Well, he doesn't have to be! I'm trying to tell him---"

"Look, you'll just have to give him time. He'll start talking." He inhaled. "He asked you about your pills, didn't he?"

"Yay," Kyan said monotone.

"You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Like hell! Especially not after the way he just talked to me. I'll corner him, even if it just to piss him off more."

"That's a good plan," Carson said, sarcastically.

"And the three of you need to stay out of it."

"Oh, please! You'd die if you didn't have me to lean on! You guys are our friends. There is no way we are going to stay out of it. As shocking as it may seem, we actually want you two to be together. It just makes sense: Kyan and Thom. Thom and Kyan."

"Flight 1262 to San Antonio is now boarding at Gate 10C. All first class passengers and medallion cardholders are welcome to board at their leisure. We will begin general boarding in a few minutes."

"Here we go," Kyan grunted, tossing his cigarette into the tray.

"Wait a minute." Carson stopped him. "You have some product on you?"

"Are you a flaming homosexual?"

Carson mocked him as Kyan dug through his bag, then handed him the bottle.

"I wasn't lying when I said you looked hot," Carson complimented, tweaking his hair. "And I'm so proud of you- picking out your own clothes."

"It's jeans and t-shirt," Kyan pointed out.

"A tight t-shirt. One that shows off that fabulous body."

Kyan cocked his head to the side. "Are you flirting with me?"

"You wish," Carson said, finishing with the hair and brushing some cigarette ash off Kyan's chest. "I'm just stating the obvious. Thom would be a fool not to run back into your arms." He tilted his head down. "And this belt is fantastic."

"Will you stop."

"I'm giving you snaps here!" Carson argued.

"Well, you are making me nervous." He pushed passed his friend and headed back to the gate.

"Can't you ever just say thank you?" Carson asked.

"Thank you," he spouted.

"Cute. Real cute."

"I was just about to come looking for you," Andrew huffed, charging up to them.

Kyan choked back a laugh as Carson rolled his eyes dramatically.

"The other three are---"

"Boarding," Carson said, alarmed. He grabbed Kyan's bag. "We have to go now."

"What the--" Kyan started as he was being dragged towards Ted, Thom and Jai. He spotted Barry standing along side of Ted. "I didn't know Barry was here. Carson, will you let go of me, please!"

"Hi, Kids," Carson said, happily, as they reached the group.

A couple behind them muttered under their breath about their "cutting in line". Carson shifted his eyes, ready to say something, but Kyan stopped him by laying his knee into the back of Carson's.

"Ow," he grunted.

"Hey, Barry," Kyan said, fumbling to get his boarding pass and ID out. "How's it going?"

"Wonderful," he answered. "It's nice to see you again."

"Are you with us this whole time?"

"No, just for a few days," Barry explained.

"He's got to work on New Year's Eve," Ted sighed.

"Yeah, technically, so do we," Kyan said. Suddenly, the realization that they were going to be spending New Year's Eve together washed over him. At that moment he vowed that he would not enter the New Year without Thom.

When they finally got into the jet way, Carson and Jai flew by them, running like little children after the ice-cream truck.

"It's going to be a long two weeks," Ted sighed, hearing Carson's laugh filter up to them.

Kyan glanced quickly over his shoulder to see Thom a few feet away from him. Thom, who was clearly looking at him, darted his eyes away. Kyan smiled to himself- maybe getting Thom to talk to him wouldn't be so hard after all.

First class wasn't big enough to fit everyone involved with the show. The five guys, Barry, Andrew, two directors and three assistants were the privileged ones to enjoy the flight in luxury. When Kyan maneuvered his way onto the plane it all became clear why Carson and Jai had blew passed all of them. The two of them grinned innocently at Kyan as he surveyed the situation.

On the left side of the plane sat the directors, Ted and Barry, and occupying the last row: Jai and Carson. On the right side of the plane sat the three assistants and Andrew, leaving the last row empty. Because of Carson and Jai's antics, Kyan and Thom were left with no choice but to sit together. There was no point in arguing. It would only make things look suspicious as if they didn't already.

"I have to sit on the aisle," Kyan said, scooting over to let Thom by.

"Fine," he mumbled, slipping passed him and settling next to the window. He slid his carry-on underneath the seat in front of him and tried to ignore the fact that Kyan's fingers were brushing up his leg as he searched for the seatbelt.

"You can hold my hand," Carson suggested, since he was on the aisle as well.

"I'm not speaking to you," Kyan announced.

Instantly, Ted's head whipped around, giving them all glaring threats.

"Why do I feel like I brought my father along?" Jai whispered.

"If he even starts saying 'I'll turn this plane around'- I'll strangle him," Carson hissed.

"You know I can hear you," Ted informed them.

"Like we care," Carson grumbled.

"Good morning, gentleman." The flight attendant had magically appeared. She smiled at Jai, Carson, Kyan and Thom. "Can I get you something to drink before take off?"

"OJ," Jai promptly provided.

"I'd like a bottle of water, please," Carson ordered.

She nodded, looking to her right.

"Rum and coke," Kyan stated.

"Whiskey straight up," Thom followed.

"It's eight am!" Carson lectured.

Kyan rolled his head towards him. "In about ten minutes I'm going to be thousands of feet in the air. I don't care what time it is!"

"Ah, there, there, peanut," Carson soothed, reaching out and patting his hand. "At least if the plane crashes we'll all die together."

"Great," Kyan grunted. "Just what I want- to have my final moments left on this earth to be with you guys."

"Hey! I'm offended by that!" Jai said, leaning over Carson. "We are all friends here, are we not?"

Thom cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Do you think we can all just not talk for the next four and half hours?"

"Yeah, that's going to happen," Ted commented.

Kyan closed his eyes, hoping that would block out the constant bickering. He knew that Carson and Jai had only been trying to help, but their brilliant idea was going to make the next few hours a living nightmare for him, and he assumed for Thom as well.

His thoughts turned to the man sitting next to him. "God, he smells good. And Christ, does he look sexy. I swear he's doing it to drive me absolutely crazy." He clasped his hands over his stomach. "This time last week I was still in his bed. I can still feel his hands on me, taste his lips, see his eyes filled with lust…love." He squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to keep himself from spilling tears onto his cheek. "Oh, Thom, I love you so much. I wish you could see that. I wish you would let me tell you." He swallowed. "I wish I could go back to this time last week."

"Kyan," Carson said, softly, reaching out and touching his elbow. "Are you okay?"

Kyan shook his head, unable to talk because of the swelling in his throat. He felt Thom turn to look at him.

"It'll be alright," Carson whispered. "We'll be in San Antonio in no time."

Kyan nodded, letting Carson think that was what was wrong with him, although he figured Carson wasn't that dense.

"I have drinks!" the flight attendant announced with a little bounce in her voice.

"Perfect timing," Jai said.

Carson dropped Kyan's elbow to take his water.

"Sir?" The flight attendant was addressing him.

"I'll take it," Thom offered.

"He's a little nervous about the flight," Carson explained.

"Oh," she said. "I completely understand." She handed the rum and coke to Thom, who placed it in the cup holder between the two seats. "If you guys need anything else," she said, then glancing at Kyan. "Don't hesitate to call me. My name is Carol."

"Thank you, Carol," said Jai, sipping his juice.

She quickly disappeared to the front of the plane.

"Drink something," Ted coaxed, leaning back and placing his hand on Kyan's knee. "It'll calm your nerves."

"Yeah," Kyan managed. He was still scared to open his eyes, afraid everyone would see he was crying.

"Here," said Carson, getting out of his seat. He hovered over Kyan and grabbed his drink, trying not to smack Thom over the head.

"Thanks," Kyan whispered, cradling the glass in his hands.

Carson bent down. "Is it the flight?" he whispered into Kyan's ear.

He shook his head.

"I didn't think so." He kissed Kyan's cheek. "You'll be okay, I promise."

Kyan took a long gulp of his drink, melting under its soothing warmth. He wanted the plane to be off the ground so he could succumb to the cloudy feeling flooding his brain.

"That pill is making him loopy," Ted observed.

Carson settled back down. "He'll be alright. As soon as we take off."

It wasn't long until the plane pushed back from the gate and started its taxi to the runway. The flight attendant lectured on the safety issues, while Kyan sat up in his seat.

"Here we go," Jai muttered.

Kyan dropped his hands to the armrest and gripped them for dear life. His breath caught in his throat when the engines whirled. Just as it was about to launch down the runaway, Thom placed his hand over Kyan's clinched one. He pried Kyan's fingers from the rest and held his hand tightly. Kyan desperately gripped Thom.

The passengers were thrown back against their seat as the plane caught wind. The closer the plane reached to lifting off the ground, the tighter Kyan squeezed.

"It's almost over," Thom said. "Almost there."

The wheels came off with a bump and a jolt. Kyan felt Carson touch his other hand in comfort.

"A few more seconds," Thom continued.

Kyan's entire body was tuned into Thom's voice. He was tingling all over. It was the only thing keeping him from completely freaking out.

"You're doing good. Doing good."

"Is Thom holding his hand?" Jai asked.

"Despite the fact it's because Kyan is scared shitless, it's a start," Carson answered.

Thom knew when Kyan was starting to feel more comfortable: the more they reached altitude, the more his fingers relaxed.

"I'm okay," he whispered, once the plane leveled out.

"Are you sure?" Thom asked. "I won't let go until you need me to."

Kyan swallowed. "Are you talking about right now or forever?" He tugged his hand away, wanting to ask that very question, but deathly afraid of the answer.

"Okay," said Thom.

"Thank you," Kyan murmured, reaching for his drink and finishing it off. He was fading fast, and his head lopped to the side. The doctor had warned him not to mix the drug with alcohol.

"Time for beddy-bye," Carson announced.

"Why were you holding his hand?" Jai demanded from Thom.

"What do you mean why was I holding his hand? He was gripping this arm rest like it was his life support." He paused. "Besides, this has nothing to do with…" His eyes shifted to the seats in front of him. "Anything," he finished.

Kyan was hearing the conversation around him as if they were all in a tunnel. For a second he wondered if he should've listened to the doctor.

"Ky." He heard Thom's voice.

"Oh, yeah, I'm so gone."

He smiled though, in hopes that what he heard was for real. "Thom," he muttered.

Ted turned around to see if he heard Kyan right and was face with Carson's gapping mouth.

"Oh my god, he's talking in his sleep!" Jai said, almost laughing.

"Quick, where's the tape recorder," Carson jumped.

"It was one word!" Thom snapped.

"It was your name," Carson whispered, hoping no one was paying too close attention to what was going on.

"So what!"

"Are you insane? He's calling for you!"

"He's been calling me all week," Thom said. "Doesn't mean I have to answer."

"Shh!" Ted cut in. "Come on, guys, please."

Carson huffed and slammed his back into his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Ted turned back around, while Jai settled against the side of the plane with the intention to get some sleep as well.

"Thom." Kyan's voice was breathless. No one had heard him this time except for the person it was meant for.

"Come on," Thom mumbled, stroking the back of Kyan's hand. "Sleep peacefully. Just sleep peacefully, Ky."

Kyan didn't utter another sound the rest of the flight.

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