Chapter 5

The sun peeked through the curtains hitting Kyan in the face. He wrinkled his nose and rolled over. His foot traveled to the other side of the bed. It wasn't until his leg was fully straightened out that he cocked an eye open. Thom wasn't next to him.

He groaned. It was morning, and it was time to face the music. Throwing the covers off himself he sat up. He glanced at the clock and groaned louder. It was close to eleven.

"That's what I get for not sleeping all night." He looked down at his naked body. "I need a shower.. and a cigarette."

He went in search of his pants and noticed that Thom had hung his clothes up. He tried not to think where his underwear was as he pulled on the trousers. He heard the TV on as he emerged from the bedroom. He grabbed his cigarettes and phone from his jacket on his way into the living room.

"Morning," Thom said, looking up at him as he entered.

"I'm sorry I slept so late."

"No need to apologize. I have to get up early to walk Paco anyway."

Kyan noticed the dog curled up next to Thom.

"There's coffee," Thom offered.

"Thanks." He padded across the room and disappeared into the kitchen.

"How did you sleep?" Thom called out.

"Fine."

Thom snorted. "Don't lie. It's bad for your complexion."

"Excuse me?"

"You tossed and turned all night."

"I did?"

"Yes, you did."

Kyan cradled his mug and headed back to the living room. He stopped in the threshold and leaned on the doorframe. "I hope I didn't keep you awake."

Thom shrugged. "Are you going to fill me in?"

Kyan smiled slightly. "I'm going to step outside and have a cigarette."

"Okay. Do you want something to eat? I can make you something…"

"I'm fine."

Thom watched him cross the room, then step out. He sighed. "Damn men."

Kyan stood a few feet away from the front door with a cigarette dangling from his lips, a cup of coffee in his hand, and a cell phone pressed to his ear. Carson had left him three message: two from the night before and one that morning. Nestled between the three was a brief one from his mother.

"My God, where are you?" Carson answered without even saying Hello.

Kyan squatted down to place his cup on the ground and took the smoking stick out of his mouth. "I'm standing in front of Thom's house."

"Oh, please don't tell me you've been standing out there all night!"

Kyan chuckled. "No."

"Thank God. So.. tell me what happened!"

"What do you think happened?" Kyan exhaled.

"Don't even start that crap with me. Did you guys have sex, or was it just a slumber party type thing?"

"We had sex, Carson."

"Oh my god," he squealed, happily. "Are you glowing? Was it wonderful?" He paused. "Did you tell him you loved him? Did he tell you he loved you?"

"Um, well, let's see- that would be a yes, yes, no and no."

Carson grunted. "That's it?"

"What? I know you don't want all the gory details."

"Please spare me. I love Thommy to death, but him as a mean, love machine- ugh."

"Stop it," Kyan said, laughing. "Anyway, you are so underestimating him."

"Really..hmm.. so do you think I should sleep with him?"

Kyan took another drag. "It probably wouldn't hurt."

"I'll pencil it in."

Kyan shook his head, knowing the conversation held no merit.

"Are you going to tell him, Kyan?" Carson asked, becoming serious.

"Tell him what exactly."

"That you are in love with him."

Kyan crushed the cigarette into the ground. "I will not be saying that or anything else along those lines."

"Why not? Does he have any idea how you feel about him?"

"Maybe."

Carson sighed. "Honey, you have to tell him something."

"Why? Why do I need to do that? Where does it say that I have to?"

"Did what happened last night meaning anything to you?"

"Of course it did!"

"Then don't you think you owe it to yourself to tell him?"

Kyan felt a small lump form in his throat. "I just can't do it, Carson. I mean I don't even know what is going to happen when I go back into the house. He could tell me to get the hell out."

"He's not going to do that."

"How do you know?"

Carson hesitated. "Okay, so I don't know, but--"

"Look, I should go. I don't want him to know I'm on the phone. It looks rude."

"Alright," Carson said, concerned. "But call me when you can."

"I will," he promised. "Bye."

"Bye."

Kyan turned the phone off, shoved it into his pocket, picked up the mug and headed back inside. He stood by the door, unsure what to do.

"Well, sit down, for the love of God," Thom said. "You are making me nervous."

"Okay, okay."

Kyan sat down at the end of the couch, placing his mug on the coffee table. "What's going on in the world?" he asked, seeing the TV on the news.

"Terror Alert has been raised to orange because of the holidays."

"Oh, that's just wonderful."

"Are you doing something over the break?"

"My mom is coming up from Jersey to visit on Christmas Day. Otherwise, no, nothing big. I need to rest up before we start back up." He brushed his pant leg. "I can't believe we are going on the road."

"I know! Isn't it wild? We are going to be in Texas next week making over some country bumpkin."

"It'll definitely be…"

"Chaotic."

Kyan nodded. "Exactly."

Thom patted Paco, coaxing him off the couch. "Well, we'll be stuck in a hotel…" He stretched across the cushions. Kyan lifted his arm to allow him to snuggle into him. Thom rested his cheek on Kyan's thigh. "Do you think they would mind if we shared a room?"

Kyan couldn't help but smile. He ran his fingers through Thom's hair- gently stroking the strands.

"Mmm," Thom moaned. "That feels good."

He heard Thom's breathing change after a few minutes. "Are you falling asleep on me?"

"Yes," he whispered, shifting a little so he was slightly closer to Kyan. "I didn't sleep all too well myself."

"Oh?" His interest was peaked. "Why's that?"

"I was trying to think of ways to keep you here with me all day." He swallowed. "And I was scared if I fell asleep- you'd leave." Thom rolled over onto his back. "I'm glad you didn't leave." He looked up at him. "So I finally get to see you unshaven and unkempt."

Kyan self-consciously ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how the man lying in his lap could go from sincerity to complete absurdity. He ran his other hand over Thom's stomach. "Is that the only reason you are happy I stayed?"

"Come on, you know how I feel about you," Thom breathed.

"No," Kyan said, quietly.

Confusion filled Thom's eyes. "You were in my bed last night."

"So, what does that mean? Sex is sex."

Thom struggled to sit up. "Is that how you feel about what happened last night? That this was just some fling?" He drew his left leg up, resting his arm on his knee, waiting for an answer.

Kyan looked away. "I can't talk about this right now."

"Why not?"

"I just don't want to talk about it right now, okay?"

"This is why you were up all night, isn't it?"

"Thom, don't…"

"What are you hiding, Kyan? Are you trying to tell me you used me last night?"

"God, no! How can you say that? You know I've been in… interested in you since the day we met."

Thom chewed on his bottom lip. "Okay, so you aren't using me. I believe you on that." He balked at the next thought that crossed his mind.

"What?" Kyan asked, seeing his face twist.

"Are you trying to tell me you are in love with me?"

Kyan's stomach plummeted, and his mouth dried up. He licked his lips trying to regain some moisture. There was no way he could tell Thom the truth- just the look on the man's face spelled out fear. He swallowed, then forced a laugh.

"What's that mean?" Thom asked, slowly.

"It means you are crazy," Kyan said, not even feeling his lips as he spewed the lie. "How can I be in love with you? We had one date."

"We've known each other for ten months. We have spent practically 40 solid weeks together. You know as well as I do, you don't have to date someone to fall in love with them."

"Can we please not talk about this?"

"I want to talk about it!"

"Why? Are you in love with me?"

"Maybe."

Kyan was a little taken back by that, but responded by the only way he could protect himself- by yelling. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I haven't felt this way about someone in years, if ever! It means it kills me to think of you getting up and walking out that door! It means I'm aching for you; I'm yearning for you; I want you… I want to know my life with you! Why can't you see that? Why can't you accept that?"

"Stop screaming at me!"

"I'm not screaming at you. I'm trying to make you see how I feel!"

"Yo--"

Thom cut him off by grabbing the back of his head and kissing him. It started off rough and hard, their lips fighting each other- each wanting to deny how they felt. Kyan gave in first- softening his lips to let Thom's form against him. Thom opened his mouth, sliding his tongue next to Kyan's. He caressed his lips with care, now trying to convey to him how much he wanted to be with him. Kyan reached up and placed his hand on Thom's shoulder, slowly running his thumb up and down his neck. The hand that gripped Kyan's head loosened to hold him gently. They moved closer- touching their chests. Thom cursed the shirt he was wearing, wishing he could feel Kyan's skin on his.

It got to be too much. Kyan's mind was ready to burst, but his heart was holding back. He was rushing into it because he wanted it so bad- but that's what had happened last time.

"Thom," he mumbled.

"Don't stop," Thom pleaded, brushing his lips against his, coaxing them to open.

"I don't want to get hurt," Kyan said, softly.

"I won't hurt you," Thom promised, cupping his chin. He saw the look in Kyan's eye. "Please, don't do this."

"I have to go."

"No, you don't have to go anywhere."

"Yes, I do." He slid away from Thom and stood up.

Thom jumped up. "Tell me what you want me to do! Tell me what you want me to say!" He raced after Kyan, who disappeared down the hall. "We have to talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it," Kyan said, deflated. "I just want to go home."

"But the way you just kissed me," Thom grasped, blocking Kyan's way out of the hallway. "I mean even if it isn't love, it's something! You have to realize that… you have to give that a chance. I want to be with you."

Kyan hesitated.

"Please don't leave," Thom whispered.

"I'm so sorry… "

Thom collapsed into the wall as Kyan brushed passed him. He used the cold, hard surface as his life support to the living room.

"Ky," he called out in one last attempt.

Kyan froze, and just for a second Thom thought he was going to stay. He was wrong.

<<Previous  Allison Main  Next>>