Chapter 15

"Where is he!" Kyan demanded.

"My God, you have to stop," Jai groaned, handing a drink to Carson. "What do you want, Ted?"

"A martini," Ted answered over the noise.

Jai leaned over the bar once again to order.

"He shouldn't still be sleeping, should he?" Kyan asked.

"How would I know?" Carson sighed, sipping his cranberry-vodka. "Why don't you call him and find out?"

"I'm not calling him!" Kyan shrilled. "That would make me look desperate."

"You are desperate," Ted observed. "So what."

"He won't talk to me," Kyan added. "He thinks I slept with Carson!"

"Okay, say that a little louder," Carson muttered. "I don't think the group in the back left corner heard you."

"What time is it?" Jai asked, passing Ted his drink through Carson and Kyan's shoulders.

"Ten to eleven," Carson said.

"Oh, I gotta call Barry," Ted said. "He's up in Boston. It's almost midnight over there." He excused himself and hurried off to find a quiet spot.

"I can't stand this," Kyan said. "I need a cigarette."

Carson rolled his eyes at Jai before following Kyan out of the ballroom and through the hotel lobby.

"What's wrong?" Carson asked once they reached the cool air.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" he asked, tossing Carson a cigarette. "What has been wrong for the past two weeks!"

"Why don't you just go upstairs and knock on his damn door then!" Carson motioned. "At this point what do you have to lose!"

"My dignity. My pride. My self respect."

"Oh, come on, you lost those a long time ago."

Kyan raised his eyebrow. "Thanks."

Carson groaned. Kyan was in no mood for jokes; it was more than obvious.

"Will you please just call him and ask him if he is coming down?" Kyan begged his friend.

"No, I will not," he stood.

"Car…"

"I'm not trying to be mean," Carson said, sympathetically. "I just don't want to do your dirty work for you. And besides, Thom isn't really speaking to me either now." He flicked his wrist. "Whatever."

Kyan felt as if he wanted to rip his hair out. Given his passion in life, it was a clear indication about the raging emotions inside him.

"Smoke a little more," Carson encouraged, seeing the look in his friend's eye. "Maybe it will calm you down."

"It won't calm me down!" Kyan roared. "This is not how I planned this night to be! I haven't seen him since the second we got back to the hotel. That was practically ten hours ago! He completely ignored me the whole way back even though there were no more cameras, and then he disappeared into his room, where he's been this whole fucking time!"

"So go up there!" Carson yelled. "You are driving yourself, and the rest of us, crazy! At least if he rejects you and slams the door in your face, you'll know how he really feels and you can move on with your damn life."

"You just don't understand, Carson."

"What don't I understand?" he asked, challenging. "I've been in love before Kyan. I know what it feels like to be vulnerable and scared out of my mind. I also know what it feels like to lose that love- dealing with the pain, the hurt, the gut wrenching feeling of rejection and loneliness."

"It's just different," Kyan whispered. "It's different with me and Thom."

"Love is love."

Kyan shook his head. "He's the part of me that has been missing my whole life. When he walked into the conference room at the studios that first time, everything seemed to click into place. I felt something I've never, ever felt before- that feeling of being complete." He shifted his eyes. "I can't lose that, Carson. I can't. I don't know what I'd do."

"But, sweetie," Carson soothed, stepping closer to him. "You are losing him. The longer you don't do something about this, the more he is slipping away."

Kyan snuffed his cigarette out with his boot.

"Be the stronger man," Carson continued. "Go to him."

Wrapping his arms around his chest, he glanced at the ground. "I don't think I can. I don't think I can deal with him saying…" He choked back his emotion. "Why can't he just come down here on his own? Why do I have to go up there?"

"Why can't this be easy?" Carson said.

Kyan chuckled lowly. "Yeah."

"Come on. We'll get you another drink. See how you feel. You'll know when it's time to go to him."

Kyan nodded and allowed Carson to lead him back towards the party, although his eyes stayed glued to the large double doors, even when Jai dragged him onto the dance floor. Ted had come back, grinning like an idiot after his brief conversation with Barry, which only made Kyan feel worse about his situation. He'd give everything to be in Ted's shoes at the moment.

Waiters started to serve champagne a half-hour to midnight. It wasn't until Kyan was holding a glass of the bubbling alcohol that he started to feel nauseous, and it had nothing to do with the amount of liquor he had consumed the previous evening.

"I gotta go," he announced, shoving his fluke at Ted.

"What?" asked Carson.

"I can't be here like this," he said, shaking his head. "I can't… the idea of starting this New Year without…" He took a deep breath. "I have to go."

"Are you going to him?" Jai asked, grabbing Kyan's shirt before he could run off.

"I don't know. No."

"Kyan…." Carson said, touching his arm.

"I need to be alone," he said. "I'll see you guys in the morning. Happy New Year," he added, then shoved through the gathering crowd.

His chest tightened as he raced through the lobby. He prayed that he would make it to his room before completely melting down and hit the call button for the elevator over and over again, hoping it would get there faster. Hopping into the empty car, he then repeatedly pushed the 'close door' button to allow no one to get on with him. The second the heavy doors sealed shut, he collapsed against the back wall and let the first few tears roll down his cheeks. He swallowed thickly and watched the numbers tick off to the eighteenth floor.

The backs of his hands were glistening with tears as the elevator slowed. He cleared his throat and threw his shoulders back, although secretly hoping everyone was at the party and not a soul would be traipsing around the hallways. He just needed to get to his room without anyone seeing anyone. The doors peeled back, and Kyan stumbled, feeling the wind get knocked out of him.

Thom stood there- dressed in a pair of loose jeans, a black t-shirt, and a pair of black flip-flops. He was shoving his cell phone into his pocket when the elevator opened and didn't notice Kyan right away. When he did, his eyes grew dewy.

"Are you leaving the party?" Thom asked.

"Uh, yeah," Kyan answered.

"Oh."

Kyan maneuvered his way out of the now confined space. "Have fun." He started out of the small lobby.

"Come back down with me," Thom said.

Kyan's feet froze in place.

"Will you please?"

"Why?" he asked.

"Because." Thom stood in the elevator doorway so it couldn't close. "Just come with me, Kyan."

He shook his head. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Come on," he coaxed. "It'll be fun."

Kyan closed his eyes. "Happy New Year, Thom."

Thom sighed in defeat. "Happy New Year," he said, quietly. "G'night, Kyan."

The elevator started to buzz from its doors being unable to shut. Thom gingerly stepped into the tiny compartment and pressed the lobby button. Kyan whipped his head around and watched the doors slowly start to close. In a wave of severe panic that he just let the last opportunity pass him, he took two giant steps towards the lift and shoved his arm between the two walls of steel. Instantly, they bounced apart.

"I changed my mind," he said, stepping in next to Thom.

Thom smiled a little. "I'm glad."

"Were you talking to someone on the phone?" Kyan asked as they began their descend.

"My friend, Michael," Thom told him. "Wishing him a Happy New Year."

"I bet," he muttered under his breath. He felt Thom glance at him.

"Do you have---" The elevator made a screeching sound that cut Thom's question short.

Kyan looked up as the light overhead flickered. He grabbed the wall in surprise at the shuddering stop. The doors opened, revealing a gray cement wall, then quickly closed. Thom pushed the lobby button again, but nothing happened. It was if the elevator had died.

"Great," Thom hissed, throwing open the door that lodged the phone and seeing it empty.

"We're stuck?"

"Looks that way," Thom stated.

"Well, push the emergency button," Kyan said.

"What the hell do you think I'm doing?" he said, slamming his palm into it. There was a faint ring, then silence. "I don't believe this."

"No one knows we are in here!"

"Oh, they'll find out eventually," Thom grunted. "Someone is bound to notice this car not running at some point." He looked at Kyan. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, letting his grip on the wall go.

"I swear, I must have bad elevator karma," Thom groaned, slumping into the corner.

Kyan chuckled. "But that last one didn't turn out too bad, did it?"

Thom grinned. "Nah, I guess it didn't. It landed me this job." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Getting stuck in that elevator in SoHo changed my life forever."

Kyan licked his lips. "Do you, uh… do you think this one will?"

"Possibly."

"Good or bad?"

"It depends."

"Depends on what?" Kyan asked.

Thom caught his eye and held him there. "On what you want."

"You know what I want," he whispered.

"No, actually I don't," Thom said, pushing himself off the wall. "As a matter of fact, it's been fucking maddening trying to figure you out! One minute I think you want to be with me; the next you are still running away from me."

"I'm not running now."

"You have no choice!" he stated, gesturing to the close doors. "But if you could leave, you probably would."

"I wouldn't," Kyan jumped.

Thom shook his head. "That's just the thing, Kyan. I don't believe you. How can I believe you?"

"You don't understand," he said, stepping closer to him.

"You're right. I don't. I've been replaying that morning over and over and over in my mind. I see it in my dreams for God's sake. And I still don't understand what the hell made you leave like that! I told you how I felt about you---"

"No! No, you didn't, Thom. You didn't tell me. You made me assume how you felt. And when you asked me if I was in love you, I saw the fear in your eyes!" He wrapped his arms around his body as a form of protection. "You were scared to death."

"Jesus Christ," he breathed. "That's it, isn't it? You're in love with me, aren't you?"

Kyan turned his back to him so he couldn't see the tears that cascaded down his face. He was unable to hold it in anymore, and all he wanted at that moment was for the elevator to go plunging into the basement.

"Answer me, Kyan," Thom said.

"I can't," he whispered.

"Yes, you can. I want you to tell me the truth! For once!"

"Thom, don't do this," he sniffed, running his hands over his face.

"God damn it! Why can't you just tell me you love me! Why is it so hard for you?"

"Because I saw it in your face," he cried.

"What you saw… what you saw, Kyan? You have no idea what you saw! You only think you do. You've been too scared, too insecure to find out."

"That's bullshit!" Kyan yelled, spinning back around, tears flying. "I called you a thousand times last week trying to explain to you, to talk to you, to work things out! You tossed me aside like what happened was no big deal. And then you went and climbed into bed with Michael, your ex-boyfriend, the love of your life!"

"You are just making shit up off the top of your head, aren't you?"

Kyan stood his ground. "I know you were with Michael last week."

"Yes, I was with Michael," Thom spat. "But don't presume to know what we did or did not do! Michael is my friend. My best friend. After you stormed out, I needed someone to lean on- and I couldn't have gone to Jai or Ted. They are just too close to the situation, and God knows I couldn’t have gone to Carson." He sneered. "I went up to Syracuse. I had to go! I was a mess down in New York. You have no idea what you put me through- how it made me feel to have you leave me like that! I couldn't even sleep in my own bed because I could still smell you there! And all I wanted was for you to be back even though you had hurt me so fucking bad."

Kyan's head was reeling. "So, you went to Michael's?"

"Yes."

"Did he cure you? Did he make you forget all about me? Did you fuck him and secretly wish it was me you were fucking?"

"Don't you talk like that!" Thom screamed. "Don't you say I fucked you. I did not fuck you, Kyan. I made love to you that night! I made love to you!"

"And did you make love to Michael?"

"For the love of God, Michael has nothing to do with this!"

"And neither does Carson!" Kyan shot back.

At the sound of his name, Thom grimaced.

"Don't act like that! Carson is your friend."

"He is not my friend! If he is sleeping with you---"

"Why do you think I slept with him?" Kyan asked.

"Oh, I can't imagine why, Kyan," Thom growled. "It was only broadcast through the entire house that Andrew caught you two in bed together this morning! It was only a matter of time- the two of you are always all over each other. He can't keep his damn hands off you, always find subtle ways to touch you! You two are inseparable. It just took a little alcohol to get things started."

"You don't know a damn thing."

"I know what I see!"

"You see wrong! I did not sleep with Carson," Kyan stressed. "I could never sleep with him! He's my friend- that's all."

"And Michael is my friend," Thom said. "He's the one that got me out of that damn bed to go to this party. He's been yelling at me all week to talk to you! He's been treating me like Carson has been treating you, but I did not sleep with him!"

"I didn't sleep with Carson!" Kyan yelled. "I told you that two seconds ago and at the house!" He paused. "Yes, I love Carson with all my heart, but the idea of sleeping with that man- Christ, Thom, it makes me fucking ill!"

"Then why did Andrew say---"

"Did Andrew say or did someone say Andrew said?"

Thom shuffled his feet.

"Yes, Carson was in my room last night. Yes, we drank- a lot. And yes, this morning when Andrew came to get me, Carson was in my room, but we did not sleep together. Andrew did not catch us in bed. Andrew didn't even see Carson- he just heard him. Both Carson and I drank so much that we passed out in our clothes! Andrew knew that nothing was going on, and when he mentioned it to some of the crew, it just got blown all out of whack, until the story was that Carson and I had sex. That's completely and totally untrue! Carson would've told you that, except you kept acting like a fucking jerk to him all day." He balked. "Why is that exactly?"

Thom huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Just the idea that Carson and you…" He gritted his teeth. "I couldn't think about him touching you. I couldn't think of him kissing you, caressing you! It drove me mad! I wanted to throttle him! How could he…." He let out a frustrating roar. "He was supposed to be my friend! Friends just don't do that. They don't go after…."

"But what the hell difference does it make?" Kyan challenged. "Even if we had slept together, why would you care?"

"Because you are suppose to be with me!" Thom yelled. "I'm supposed to be the one touching you, kissing you, caressing you. It's supposed to be me in your bed- not him! Not Carson! Not anyone!" He narrowed his eyes. "And why are you questioning me on this? What difference would it have made if I slept with Michael? You were the one that walked out on me! As far as I was concerned our affair was over! It shouldn't matter to you what or who I do!"

Kyan nodded furiously. "Fine, yeah, you are right! That's right! You can. You are free man. I have no rights to you at all. You can screw anyone you want." He swallowed. "So why didn't you?"

"Oh, God," Thom groaned, stepping out of his flip-flops and pivoting on the ball of his foot. "We aren't getting anywhere."

"Just answer the question, Thom!" Kyan insisted. "If our affair was so over, then why didn't you sleep with Michael?"

"What do you want me to say- that it was because he wasn't you? Well, guess what, Kyan, as cliché as that sounds… it's the truth. He wasn't you. I wanted you- and only you. What I said to you the other night outside your hotel room door… you believed me, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he said, quietly.

"Good." He took a deep breath.

Kyan stepped back, unsure what to say next.

"So there you have it," Thom said, filling the silence. "You got your answer. I didn't sleep with Michael because he's not you. I want you. I still want you." He let out an uncomfortable laugh. "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Kyan quivered.

"Why are you so scared?"

Kyan pressed his lips together. "The way you looked at me. I saw your fear, Thom- the fear that I might love you."

"You are so stupid, Douglas!" Thom bellowed, smacking his palm into the wall. "So fucking stupid. I don't know, maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I should've…."

"What?" Kyan asked, coaxing him along.

"That fear you saw…" Thom shook his head. "It wasn't fear that you were we in love with me, okay. It was fear that… you weren't."

Kyan felt his blood drain from his face. His head spun in continuos circles, and he had to grab the wall the keep himself steady. The words hung in the air to point where he could see them lingering in front of his eyes.

"Christ, did you hear what I said?" Thom asked, facing him.

"What?" Kyan squeaked.

"I love you!" Thom shouted to get his point across. "I've loved you from the first time I saw you. I loved you so much I couldn't see straight sometimes. It killed me to be so close to you this whole time and not show you how I felt. And when you asked me out- God, I felt as if my whole life was finally falling into place. And then… my God, Kyan, when you told me you didn't love me, that you weren't falling in love with me…" He closed his eyes to fight back his emotions.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kyan asked, trying to process the words. He swore he had suddenly been sucked into a vacuum. Thom's voice seemed to take years to reach him, and his lungs were squeezing for air.

"Would it have made a difference?" Thom became very quiet. "Even when I tell you what you want to hear, you still manage to run. How would that mean anything more?" He sighed. "I came to the conclusion that it had been best I didn't tell you- I couldn't bear the pain of expressing myself like that and having you still walk out on me."

Kyan's heart was bearing furiously. Thom was right. He wasn't sure he would've stayed even if he knew Thom loved him.

"Talk to me!" Thom pressed. "Why can't you love me?"

"Don't… don't say it like that," Kyan breathed, giving his shaking knees a rest and collapsing onto the floor. He drew himself into the corner.

"Are you in love with someone else?"

"You know there is no one else," he said, picking at a loose thread.

"Jason?"

Kyan snapped his eyes up to the man hovering above him. "I’m not in love with Jason!"

Thom shook his head. "That's not what I meant. Is Jason the reason you can't love me? Do you think I’m going to hurt you like he did?"

Kyan didn't say a word.

"I would never, ever hit you!" Thom said, raising his voice. "I would never do the things he did to you! Ever! And if I ever see that fucking bastard, I'll…." He clinched his fists together. "Damn it, Kyan, you can't let him control you like this anymore!"

"It's not something I'm proud of!" Kyan yelled. "But it's all I know! I don't know how to NOT to leave the next morning. I don't know how to tell someone I love them and truly mean it. I don't know how not to feel all this fear and all this pain." He wiped his eyes. "When I look at you and I feel the way I do, it scares the fucking shit out of me! I don’t know what to do with all this emotion."

"Tell me!" Thom barked, dropping down to his knees to look at him better. "I want to know how you feel when you look at me!"

He shook his head, hiding from Thom's eyes.

"Look at me, Kyan!"

"Stop it!"

"Oh my god! What do I have to do to get through to you?" He licked his lips. "I love you, Kyan, and it's killing me to see you like this- to have you push me away."

"Just…"

"Fine," Thom said, sitting back. "Obviously I can't say or do anything that will make you change your mind."

Kyan pulled his knees up to his chin. He felt as if his stomach was going to jump out of his chest, and his blood was racing. His heart screamed in comforted misery it had wrapped itself in for the past three years. His mind…

"I hurt when I'm not near you," he started slowly, barely above a whisper. "Even when we are working- it's like I can feel you near me even if you are in the other room, and when I can't feel you," His voice quivered, "There's a sort of physical hurt in my body." He felt Thom looking at him, but refused to meet his eyes. "When you laugh- or when you do your quirky voices- it sounds stupid, but I feel happy, almost giddy, and you are brilliant at what you do. Watching you work… " He shook his head. "I can't even describe it."

Thom shifted a little, waiting, but nothing came. "Tell me more," he stretched.

"There is no more," Kyan answered.

"The first time we met…. The first time we kissed…"

"Thom," he breathed, helplessly.

"I want to be with you," he cried. "I want to love you. I want you to feel safe and trust me. I want you to love me, too."

"Don't---"

"No!" Thom jumped. "Don't say 'don't'. I’m not going to hide how I feel anymore, and I don't want to fight anymore."

"I'll hurt you."

"You won't."

Kyan nodded. "I will. I can't love you the way you want me to, Thom. I can't love anyone. Everything is so fucked up in my head- in my heart. What right do I have to dump all that onto someone?"

"Kya---"

"When I first met you, I fell in love with you. I knew you were the missing piece in my life. And when we first kissed…" A sensual shudder traveled up his spine. "It was like I had been sleeping my whole life and I suddenly woke up." He rubbed his knee against his cheek to collect the tears. "Sometimes though not everyone who is meant to be together are together. Maybe the two of us…."

"You can't do this!" Thom exclaimed. "We haven't even been given a chance."

"I… I'm sorry," he whispered.

"And so you did it! I told you I love you, and you ran away!"

"I did not run away. I’m making a reasonable decision---"

"That's bullshit, Kyan! I know you are scared- I'm scared too, but I want you so bad and I love you so much- I know the two of us… I just know!"

"Well, I don't!"

"Yes, you do! You just won't let yourself believe it!"

"Thom, please…"

"Say when we get out of this elevator you never see me or talk to me again- how would that make you feel? How does it make you feel to think about never kissing me again? To have me never make love to you again? To never know what's it's like to make love to me? To never know what our life could be like together?"

Kyan wrapped his arms around his stomach in hopes it would quell the waves of stabbing pain that seemed to erupt from it. He groaned.

Thom scooted closer to him. "I might not ever understand how badly Jason hurt you- physically and emotionally, but I want to understand. I want to know. I want you to know what it's like to be with someone who truly loves you."

"I don't want to hurt you," he moaned. "I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt you."

"But you are hurting me," Thom whispered, sliding his hand under Kyan's chin and lifting his head. "Don't deny yourself how you feel- ever!" His thumb caressed his tear-streaked face. "Let me love you, Kyan… please."

"No," he whispered, leaning in.

Their eyes met. Thom's were filled with emotional exhaustion, yet comforting and inviting. Kyan drew closer to him, watching the flecks of gold swimming in hope, dreams… "Love."

Carefully, Thom tilted Kyan's head, almost scared that any sudden movement would make him pull away. The tears had made his eyelashes look dark and long accenting his brown eyes. He looked at Thom with such a sense of innocence and vulnerability. With a gentle touch, he cupped Kyan's jaw with his hand. He waited until he saw Kyan's chin raise just a little, then joined their lips in a soft, subtle kiss.

Thom's hand slipped around Kyan's neck so he could pull him closer. To keep his balance, Kyan placed a hand on Thom's knee, while the other maintained a grip on the carpet. He lost himself in the kiss, sighing contently and parting his lips to feel Thom's tongue sweep across his mouth. Despite the raging lust that ripped through their bodies, the kiss stayed a calm, steady rhythm- sipping, tasting, loving as Thom's fingers stroked the back of Kyan's neck soothingly.

"I want to kiss you forever," Thom muttered, brushing his lips against his quickly. "I want you, Kyan." His tongue traced his mouth sensually. "I love you."

The words were barely out before he kissed him again- this time with a little more passion, more desire and more lust.

"We can't do this," Kyan said, not only pulling away from Thom, but standing up as well.

"What?" Thom was somewhat lost- still trapped in the kiss.

Kyan slowly walked over to the opposite side of the elevator. Facing the wall, he breathed deeply- fending off the swarm of emotions that consumed him.

"You know, what will happen if we…" he said, quietly.

Thom stood up. "What's wrong with that?"

Kyan shook his head. "I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I don't want to use you." He tilted his head down, staring at the carpet. "I'm scared that's what I'd be doing."

"You won't be using me," Thom promised.

Kyan froze when Thom's hands touched his back. Slowly, they moved around his waist. He dropped his jaw to exhale.

"I want to make love to you," Thom breathed into Kyan's ear, pressing his body into his. He slid his hands over Kyan's flat stomach and pulled him into his arms.

"Thom," Kyan whispered, turning his head slightly away.

"Let me show you how much I love you." Thom nipped at his skin. "Let me teach you how to love." He ran his tongue over Kyan's ear, making him shudder. "Let yourself love me… Love me, Kyan."

Thom's hands pulled Kyan's shirt out from the waistband of his jeans. Tenderly, his fingertips grazed across the heated flesh. Kyan gasped and collapsed until Thom supported his entire body.

"Tell me you don't want me, and I'll walk away," Thom muttered.

Fearfully, Kyan grasped Thom's hands. "Don't leave me."

"Tell me again," he answered, breathing hotly.

"Don't leave me," Kyan whimpered, linking their fingers together. "Please, don't leave me."

"I'll never leave you." Thom hushed. "Never." He squeezed Kyan's fingers before guiding his hands up and around his neck. Kyan immediately buried his fingertips into Thom's hair, pulling him down closer to him.

Subtly, Kyan nudged his chin against Thom's jaw, coaxing him to kiss him, but Thom held off, taking his own hands and slowly unbuttoning the shirt Kyan had on. He made sure each task was rewarded with a brush of skin. Kyan's sharp intake of breath vibrated through his body until he was sure his lover could feel his erection pressing into him.

"You're beautiful," Thom moaned, seductively as the last button stripped away, and the shirt fell open.

Kyan shifted his eyes to watch Thom's hands explore him- tapping along his abdomen, tickling his sides, caressing his hardened nipples. The painting, the sewing, the building, the cleaning, the utter brilliance that had been made with those hands yet now so soft, so smooth- so tender and loving- set Kyan's nerves on fire. His throat closed.

"I thought I would never be able to touch you again," Thom quivered. He tipped his fingers so his nails would rub against Kyan's body.

"Thom," he groaned. "Kiss me."

His eyes fluttered. "No…"

"Kiss me," Kyan whispered, dragging a hand down to cup his cheek.

"I just want to touch you," he murmured, contently. "To feel my skin on yours."

Kyan rounded his eyes up, studying Thom's face as he touched every inch of his exposed body- nothing more, nothing less. Leaning slightly into him, he gathered a patch of Thom's skin- a patch between his chin and ear- into his mouth and kissed him hungrily.

"Ky…" His touch became a little more lustful as Kyan's lips tasted him.

"I like when you say my name like that," he admitted, breathlessly, before indulging in his desire once more.

"Ky," Thom whispered.

"Yeah…" He pushed himself closer. "Why won't you kiss me?"

"If you want to kiss me…" He dropped his right hand down to Kyan's belt buckle. "Don't be scared."

Kyan licked his lips, drawing Thom chin's down slightly.

"You drive me crazy," Thom breathed, shifting his eyes to Kyan's.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he murmured before brushing their lips together.

"Good," he sighed. His arm tightened around him. "So good."

Kyan bit his bottom lip as he watched Thom's eyes turn into a smoldering brown. They were heated with passion and overpowering lust. His heart was thumping madly against his chest at the sight, and he swallowed back another wave of emotion. Tilting forward, he joined their lips, coaxing Thom's open with subtle caresses of his tongue.

Thom lifted his left hand and rested it against Kyan's neck, using his thumb to send tantalizing touches down his skin. His other hand worked to free the clasp on the buckle, and when he was successful, he pulled the black leather strap from around Kyan's waist and dropped it to the floor with a clanging thud. Instantly, he began working on the snap to his jeans.

"I want you," Kyan panted.

"You sure?" Thom asked, tilting his head the opposite way before continuing the kiss.

Kyan's hand fell to where Thom was frantically fumbling. He grasped Thom's hand and rested it against his stomach, making sure his fingers were tucked just below the waistband. Calmly, he unsnapped his jeans and drew the zipper down. Thom deepened the kiss, anticipating what was going to happen. His fingers twitched against Kyan's skin.

Feeling his body swell with need, Kyan took Thom's hand and guided him between the soft fabric of his underwear and the heavy denim. Thom ripped his lips away; gasping for breath once his hand cupped the hard length. Kyan kept his eyes closed, pressing Thom's fingers against his throbbing cock.

"I'm sure," he breathed, releasing his own hand. He dragged it up Thom's arm before wrapping it around their bodies and touching the back of Thom's leg.

"Ah, Ky," he groaned. "The way you feel… " He nuzzled his nose against his cheek. "I love you."

"Please…" Kyan gulped. "Don't say that."

"I can't help it," Thom hummed, finding the opening in the boxer-briefs and sliding his hand in. "I do love you."

Kyan's body jolted at the feeling of Thom's fingers wrapping around his tightened penis. He gritted his teeth together to keep from screaming out in ecstasy. His shudder released the warm liquid, coating him so Thom could pull him in and out of his hand.

Thom's touch was slow and careful as if he would hurt him. He squeezed just barely before letting go and traveling his palm up the shaft to brush his thumb against the quivering head. Kyan's moans sent him into a whirlwind of erotic love- wanting nothing more than to bring his lover to the height of passion. His hand stopped the gentle tugs so his thumb could concentrate on the area under the head- the most sensitive spot. He teased it- encircling, stroking, grazing, until Kyan was withering in his arms.

Intoxicated, Kyan pulled his body up just a little, then pushed his jeans off his hips. He rolled his head to the side and pressed his open mouth into Thom's shoulder. His teeth sank just slightly into his skin, and he heard Thom grunt. And just like that, fear rushed through his blood. His eyes flew open, and he pulled his mouth away, ashamed he had practically bitten him. The rock hard erection in Thom's hand sagged. His body pulled away.

"Don't you dare move," Thom hissed, covering Kyan's ear with his mouth. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Damn it, Kyan. Every sound I make doesn't mean it's a bad thing." He continued to palm his cock, telling him he wasn't upset.

"I'm sorry. I---"

"Don't ever be sorry for doing something you want, you need, you feel is right," Thom whispered, then nibbling his earlobe. It sparked a reaction, and Kyan hardened.

Quickly, Thom tore his hand away and clawed at the restrictive clothing. Kyan didn't help- still unsure of what he did and Thom's response to it. It took mere seconds for Thom to push the underwear down Kyan's legs. It lay bunched around his ankles, as did his jeans. He was unable to step out of them since he still had his boots on. Thom took Kyan's left hand into his, slid his fingers through his and guided them to the solid shaft resting against Kyan's stomach.

"Watch me touch you," Thom muttered.

Kyan shyly tucked his chin into his chest, feeling completely vulnerable. His knees were shaking- although he was confused if it was from fear or being incredibly turned on. The tip of his cock brushed against his and Thom's hands before his entire penis was plunged between their palms. Thom gently sucked on the area behind his ear as he worked his fingers over the now pulsating member.

There was something magical about Thom's touch- the way he equally caressed Kyan's fingers and sex. He pulled, tugged, rubbed- making Kyan follow his lead until everything was hot, warm and sticky. It felt rough and lustful, but watching Thom's delicate hand work over his- it was pure gentle emotion.

"No one's ever touched me like this," Kyan quivered.

"Like what?" Thom whispered, linking their fingers loosely and resting his cock in the cave where their hands met. He ran his thumb pad up and down the side.

"So careful. So caring. So…" His eyes closed for a second.

"So loved," Thom finished.

"Yeah," he admitted quietly.

"If anyone deserves to be loved, it's you."

"Thom," Kyan groaned in a hushed protest.

"Shh…" He didn't lose sight at starting a million fires along Kyan's skin. "Just for right now… where it feels as if we are the only two on this earth… I want to love you." He swallowed. "And pretend as if you love me, too."

The last statement sent a stabbing pain through Kyan's heart. He knew how he felt about Thom, and it was driving him insane to be unable to tell him. There was some unconscious panic that blocked the words from forming. To suppress what he was feeling, he thrust his hips forward and snaked his hand from the back of Thom's leg to between their bodies. He tweaked his arm, then covered the straining bulge.

"Don't… if you don't mean it," Thom pleaded, rotating his hips into Kyan's open hand.

"I mean it," Kyan gasped. "Do you want me inside you?"

"I want to be inside you," he breathed. "Make love to you."

Kyan, almost tripping over his clothed feet, turned to face him.

Thom chuckled. "You should take your boots off."

"You should take your clothes off," Kyan answered.

He untangled his hand from Thom's and slid it around his waist. Thom hypnotically ran his fingers up and down Kyan's penis as they kissed. With his other hand, he pushed Kyan's shirt off his shoulders until it hung around his elbows. Then he circled Kyan's hips with his arm, his fingernails grazing over his butt.

Kyan worked his fingers underneath Thom's shirt. They massaged his skin, moving to his chest and down his stomach to his jeans. Their lips brushed away, gasping for breath. Hands were tangled as Kyan desperately undid the button and pulled the zipper down. His shirt was draped across his wrists, and he shook his arms to let it fall to the floor.

Thom abandoned Kyan for a brief second to yank his shirt over his head. Without a second thought, Kyan's mouth was on his skin, sucking and nibbling. Thom quickly pushed the rest of his clothing over his hips and stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. He grasped Kyan's hands that were lingering by his thighs and placed them on his thick penis. He groaned in satisfaction at the feeling of Kyan's hot hands on him. He ran his hand up Kyan's chest, cupped his chin and tilted his head back. His mouth covered his in overindulgent passion, while his other hand found its way back to where it was most comfortable- wrapped around Kyan's cock.

They pulled each other, their hands occasionally getting twisted between their bodies. Kyan's hips began to thrust into Thom's hand. To calm him, Thom slid his free hand underneath his balls, maneuvering his fingers to rest against the mounds of flesh. Kyan threw his head back and growled uncontrollably. He spread his legs just a little so Thom's fingers could sink into him. His body swayed at the feeling. His footing came loose, and he stumbled to keep his balance.

"The boots," Thom said.

"I know," Kyan panted, squeezing his eyes tight. "In a second."

He waited until he felt the drops of pre-cum slid down his shaft, then tore himself away from Thom. He clawed at his boots, yanking them off in overwhelming desperation and tossing them to the side. He kicked his clothes from his ankles and turned to his lover.

"Come here," Thom said, extending his hand.

Kyan took it and followed Thom's body. At first he was slightly confused when he saw Thom sit down, thinking they would be in the same position as last time, but when Thom looked up at him, he understood. He placed his knees on the carpet; his hands on Thom's shoulders and straddled his lap.

"I want you to control our lovemaking," Thom whispered, circling his hand behind Kyan's head, burying his fingers in his hair and pulling him down to him to kiss his lips. "Love me."

"Thom," he muttered before their lips wrapped around each other. He kept his hands on Thom's shoulders to keep his balance, while Thom used his other hand to spread his ass.

Thom's finger tickled the small opening, and Kyan moaned within the kiss at the fluttering sensations in the pit of his stomach. He relaxed his body, trying to allow Thom to push through.

"You can't," Kyan hissed, pulling away. "You'll hurt me."

"I won't hurt you," Thom promised.

Kyan shook his head. "It's not that. We are too dry." He lifted his hand and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm never leaving without some sort of lubricant with me at all times."

"Ky," Thom said, running his tongue over his lips.

Kyan raised his eyebrow, reading Thom's thoughts. Thom nodded without even having to hear the question that ran through Kyan's head at that moment.

Within seconds, they were in an awkward but workable sixty-nine position. Kyan was on all fours; his elbows propped up on the carpet- his mouth hovering above Thom's cock. While Thom was still sitting- having a perfect view of Kyan's tight butt.

Thom's mouth watered as he ran his hands over the shaped muscles. "I won't do it unless you are sure," he said, softly.

Kyan's eyes closed at the sincerity in his voice. He brushed the tip of Thom's penis against his lips, flicking his tongue out ever so slightly to let the sweet salty taste linger in his mouth.

"I'm sure," he quivered. "I want you to."

Thom mumbled something he couldn't understand, then felt his hand start to knead his cheeks. Thom's other hand slid between Kyan legs and fondled his cock to help him loosen up a bit.

"Please tell me if…" Thom whispered, running his fingers down his ass.

"I will," Kyan promised.

Thom inhaled, almost scared himself at what this kind of intimacy would do to Kyan. He hoped, as he worked his tongue between the flesh, that this wouldn't be something Kyan would regret.

Kyan held his breath, reveling in the circular motion of Thom's tongue. It had been so long since anyone had rimmed him that as soon as he felt the slick, warm organ tap against the puckering opening, he jerked his hips back, sending the back of Thom's head into the side of the elevator.

"Oh, my god!" Kyan said, raising himself off his elbow and snapping his head over his shoulder. "I'm so sorry! I… Christ, I'm such an idiot!"

Thom chuckled. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"God, no!" Kyan practically screeched, horrified. "I just---"

"I'm kidding. I’m kidding!" Thom said, squeezing Kyan's ass lovingly. "You got a little excited there." He saw Kyan blush. "So fucking sexy," he groaned, leaning over and nibbling on his smooth skin.

Kyan watched as Thom started to pick up where he left off. His tongue darted out and disappeared between the now overly tense muscles.

"Relax," Thom whispered. "It's okay. If it happens again, it happens again." He glanced up at Kyan, whose eyes were big and beautiful.

Refusing to let that go, Thom held his gaze even as he reached his destination and touched the tip of his tongue to skin around his hole. He arched his motions until the area loosened up considerable, and he was able to flick his tongue in and out of the muscle. Kyan's cock stiffened in his hand, and Thom pulled on it in fast, quick motions.

Kyan was riding in rolling waves of sexual sensation- from the back and from the front. He tossed his head, breaking Thom's eye contact, and moaned loudly- continuously. The feeling building up in him was so fierce, so animalistic that he was afraid it was going to burst through before he was ready for it. His eyes focused on Thom's cock, bobbing in front of him, almost pleading to be paid attention to. It had grown to a dark shade of red- looked strained and uncomfortable. Kyan licked his lips as he watched a pebble of clear liquid form at the tip. He waited until he was practically drooling- until several drops had slid down Thom's hard shaft- before opening his mouth and letting him in.

A growl rose from Thom's throat, vibrating against Kyan's now slick and wet entrance. He, in turn, moaned contently at the feeling, and Thom's hips bucked up. He sucked on Thom's dick, pulling it in and out of his mouth, getting it hard and drenched- ready to be fucked. He held it between his lips for a second before letting it fall out of his mouth. Shifting his weight a little, he freed a hand and was able to grip the base. He traced his lips with the glistening tip, brushing his tongue against the sensitive head, until his chin was covered in pre-cum. He tasted Thom's body eagerly, then dove back into his hidden desire- to feel Thom's cock at the back of his throat.

Although what Kyan was doing to him was pleasurable, Thom felt that what he was doing to Kyan turned him on more. The trust that Kyan had put into his hands was overwhelming. He loved the way Kyan was responding to him- pressing his hips back to coax his tongue deeper into him; the sounds that he only assumed Kyan had no idea he was making; and the way his cock was rubbing into his hand, which was completely saturated by this point. Thom loved the way he tasted, loved the way he smelled, and loved the fact that little by little Kyan was showing him how he felt about him.

They were so caught up in the moment, forgetting where they were, that when the elevator lurched a little, they both gasped. Kyan lifted his head. Thom refused to stop licking at Kyan, but did manage to put his hand on the carpet floor to make sure they weren't moving. When nothing else happened for a few seconds, Kyan returned to Thom's dick. He had just gotten his length in his mouth, when he felt Thom's tongue pull away from him.

"Do you even realize you're about to come in my hand?" Thom asked.

"And you are about to come in my mouth," Kyan added, licking him seductively.

"You are more than ready," Thom said, sliding a finger in to demonstrate.

"Okay," he breathed, brushing his lips across the tip before pulling himself up.

Kyan turned around. His eyes grew dark at the way Thom's mouth and chin glistening up at him. He ran his hand through Thom's hair, pulling his head back, then devoured the pouty lips. He began to lower himself onto Thom's cock.

Thom used his hands to help the process along- guiding himself to the prepped opening, while gripping Kyan's hip with the other. Kyan kicked his head back when he felt the tip of Thom's penis enter him. His muscles expanded, and he sank deeper. Thom growled, took his hands and dug his fingers into Kyan's butt. His balls tightened when Kyan started to rock over him.

It wasn't where Kyan wanted Thom. Spreading his legs a little more, he pressed down on his cock, until he felt the very tip brush against his prostate, the root of his preferred pleasure. His own penis lurched, and some of his seed spilled onto Thom's chest.

"Look at me," Thom whispered.

Kyan did, dropping his head forward. He swore he almost came at that moment just by the way Thom was looking up at him. His eyes were swimming with love and sexual intensity. He saw Thom's chin move a bit, and he leaned over to kiss him.

"No," Thom sighed. "I just want to look at you."

Kyan placed his hand on Thom's upper arm, feeling the muscles ripple down the limb. He used his knees, along with rotating his hips, as leverage to pull Thom in and out of him.

"Does it feel okay?" Kyan panted, gulping for breath. "Am I going to slow? Too fast?"

"It's…." Thom's eyes danced. "Perfect."

A lump clouded Kyan's throat when he realized it wasn't just the sex he was talking about. He tried to release the emotion and closed his eyes.

"Don't close me off like that," Thom protested, quietly. "I want to see you…"

"I can't…"

"Why?"

"You'll see."

"See what?"

"How I feel," Kyan breathed, controlling his muscles to squeeze Thom inside him to the point that Thom was shaking beneath him.

"You are making me come," Thom groaned as his first release emptied into Kyan. "I want to see your eyes! Your beautiful eyes…"

Kyan didn't answer him, nor did he open his eyes. He contracted his muscles, then slowly relaxed them, sending Thom into a frenzied state.

"Ky! Oh, God." Thom's stomach tightened, and his grip on Kyan's hips became increasingly severe.

The only way Kyan knew how to response was to bring him to the breaking point. He jerked his body over Thom's cock in swift, rapid movements, creating as many tingling sensations up his shaft as possible all the while making sure his muscles were working the excited length. Thom's jaw dropped, and he was panting in sheer carnal release. He felt it in his thighs, reaching his tightened sack, then pushing out through his cock that was trapped inside a hot, wet cave. The second Kyan felt the warmth he opened his eyes. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to Thom's when the climax erupted into his body in a long, fierce explosion. Their eyes melded together, and Thom whimpered when he saw the answer he had been looking for. It jerked his body to another release, and after Kyan thrust against him a few more times, he fell back into the wall and gasped for air.

Kyan refused to let him relax, cupped his jaw and kissed him passionately, stroking his cheeks with his fingertips. He kept kissing him, long and hard, until he felt Thom slid out of his body in sexual exhaustion.

"Put your knees between my legs and straightened up," Thom managed, when Kyan pulled his lips away.

"What?" It wasn't the reaction he was expecting to get.

Thom reached up, touching Kyan's chin. "I love you."

He saw Kyan's eyes grow soft, and they kissed again, while Kyan pulled himself into the position he requested. As their lips released, Thom immediately drew Kyan's cock into his mouth.

"Thom," he moaned, gripping his head and bucking his hips forward.

He rose his back to full height. He had almost forgotten, due to the intensity of Thom's orgasm, just how much he needed one of his own.

It had been the only thing on Thom's mind from the second he came- if not before. He wasted no time. There was no need for foreplay or teasing- Kyan was ready. His dick was hard, pulsating and oozing with anticipation at a long, hard release. The last time they had been together, Thom didn't have a chance to experience the feeling of Kyan's cock in his mouth. The feeling now was one of an overzealous need to feel Kyan spill himself against the back of his throat and to swallow every drop he offered.

Kyan was quite aware of the fact that this was the first time he was in Thom's mouth. He reveled in the way his tongue stroked him. He sighed when Thom's lips rubbed against the base of his penis. He muttered incoherent phrases as Thom sucked him to the point that he thought he was going to pass out. His head lopped back while his hips pushed forward. It was an unbelievable feeling to have Thom cater to his every burning need. He never wanted to let it go, but it did- ending all too quickly.

His orgasm peaked before he even realized what was going on. One second he was in control and the next, he felt his barrier break. He cried out, then came in a sea of violent jerks and uncontainable shudders. His fingers dug into Thom's scalp as he felt Thom's throat bobbing up and down, ingesting his body in healthy, loving gulps. He thrust a couple of more against Thom's mouth then let his body fall free. Collapsing back on his heels, he opened his eyes to see Thom licking his lips clean.

Without a second thought, the two of them were kissing each other in satisfied lust. Kyan pressed his palms to Thom's chest. He could feel his heart beating beneath his fingers. He couldn’t help but wonder- now that the sex was over- if Thom really loved him.

"Do I have to tell you how great that was?" Thom whispered.

"Yeah," he breathed, snaking his hands around Thom's neck. "Tell me."

"It wasn't even about the sex," he murmured.

"It wasn't?"

"Being close to you when I thought I would never be this close to you again. Having you trust me." He brushed Kyan's cheek with his fingers. "Knowing you love me."

Kyan's forehead crinkled. "I never said---"

"I know you never said," he interrupted. "But I'll wait forever for you to." He kissed him lightly.

"You are crazy."

"Crazy in love."

Kyan groaned painfully. "Don't get stupid."

Thom kissed him again. "I want you to be mine."

"Are you getting possessive?"

"I'm serious," Thom hushed.

"I don't want to talk about this now."

"Why not?"

"Nothing is the same after sex," Kyan said, starting to pull away from him.

"No, I want to hold you," Thom fought, grabbing him.

"Oh, please don't tell me you want to cuddle. That is just not my thing."

"I don't want you to runaway."

"We are trapped in an elevator. I can't go anywhere."

"I'm not talking physically."

Kyan hesitated, then settling against him again, resting his head on Thom's shoulder. "I don't want to talk about our relationship. Can we at least wait until tomorrow?"

That reminded Thom and he glanced at his watch. "It's 12:45. It is tomorrow."

"We missed New Years," Kyan muttered.

Thom rubbed his hand up and down Kyan's arm. "I didn't miss it."

Kyan smiled. "Me, either."

He kissed Kyan's forehead. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year," he repeated, feeling his eyes grow heavy.

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