Chapter 1

"He's all I think about."

Carson's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?" He leaned over the back of his chair. "For how long?"

"Since the second I saw him!"

"Who else knows?"

"No one, Carson. Why do you think I'm sitting here telling you? It's eating me alive."

"I don't believe this," Carson screeched. "You and I are the closest out of the group. You are over here every weekend, and you are just now telling me about this!"

Kyan Douglas groaned and dropped his head, burying his chin into his chest. Calmly he clasped his hands together and placed his elbows on his knees.

"Can we please focus on the issue at hand."

Carson flipped his wrist through the air. "So you have a crush, big deal."

"Why do I even bother?" Kyan sighed.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"You think I should?"

Carson stood up and headed towards his closet. "How do you think he feels about you?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be talking to you about it, now would I?"

"He's not seeing anyone is he?" He picked out a red sweater. "Just ask him out."

"But how awkward would that be if he says 'No'. I have to work with the man."

"We all have to work with him." Carson rolled his eyes. "But you can always leave the show." He looked over at his friend and gave him a huge smile.

"Why can't you be serious for once?"

"I am being serious. You are being way too dramatic."

Kyan chuckled. "You should talk."

"Look," Carson mumbled as he pulled the sweater over his head. "Do you want me to say something to him?"

"God, no. We are not in high school."

"So tell me again why you are sitting here in my apartment moaning and groaning about this…."

"For some bizarre reason I thought you could give me some moral support."

Carson almost flinched at the tone of his voice. His hands ran down his chest, smoothing out the outfit, before he sat next to his friend on the bed.

"Tell me why you like him."

Kyan crinkled his forehead at the question. "Huh?"

"Well, you obviously find something attractive about him! Tell me what that is."

"You don't think he's cute?"

"I didn't say that! I just want to know what makes him special to you." He groaned. "Why do you make everything so difficult?"

Kyan mocked him.

"Just shut up and answer the question."

The well-groomed man shrugged. "I don't know. He makes me laugh. He's quirky, lovable, just fun." A subtle smile crossed his lips. "And he's just simply brilliant. I mean, you've seen his work. He's absolutely amazing! When I'm near him, I don't know, I just get all tingly and weak in the knees, and I can't stop smiling."

"Ugh," Carson blanched. "You are pathetic."

Kyan smacked his arm. "Stop it."

"Okay, okay, all kidding aside, do you think you love him?"

"I don’t know." He glanced down and studied his manicured nails. "Maybe."

Carson butted his shoulder against his. "Ask him out, Kyan. If he makes you feel…"

"Alive."

He nodded. "Alive. Then, well, you need to go after that. And if he turns you down…."

Kyan groaned at the thought.

"It's his loss! And you, my friend, can just move on with your life." Carson smiled. "But I bet he won't turn you down."

Kyan's head snapped up. "Why? Do you know something?"

"Nothing in particular," Carson said, standing. "Just a gut feeling. Seeing some hints here and there."

"Like what?"

"We better motor," he said, ignoring the question. "We have to be there in thirty minutes and it's going to take that long to drive across town."

The five men were being summoned into the studio to do a series of hip tips for their upcoming episodes. It was their last commitment before their holiday hiatus and a much needed rest from the whirlwind adventure they had been on since the show debuted in July.

"You are not going to answer me, are you?" Kyan finally asked once he settled down in Carson's sleek, black car.

"Are you that blind?"

"Indulge me, please!"

"The way he looks at you, the way he finds a way to ever so slightly touch you. And, well, at the holiday party last week, when you were doing your 'at a party hip tip' under the mistletoe…."

"Yeah."

"You were with Jai, right?"

"Yeah, so- Jai was standing next to me."

"Everyone thought you were going to kiss him." Carson pulled into traffic.

"Which was funny in itself because that was not the point."

"Well, we all thought it was funny, even Jai. Except for…."

Kyan gasped. "Why? What happened? Carson, you have to tell me!"

"Oh, calm down, it wasn't what was said it was how he looked."

"How!"

Carson's eyes shifted towards his friend. "Crushed."

Kyan arched an eyebrow. "You are lying."

"I swear to God!"

"Why didn't you tell me…."

"Why would I have? I didn't know you had feelings for the man! I didn't even think twice about it. But now that this is all being revealed… hmm…."

"I don't believe a word you are saying," Kyan declared, sitting back in his seat. "I mean, if he has feelings for me, why hasn't he said anything to me about it?"

Carson screamed in laughter. "Why hasn't he! Why haven't you! This is ridiculous. You guys have no one to blame but yourselves for this mess."

"I just don't want to get hurt- is that so hard for you to understand?"

"You need to have faith in yourself! How many times have we dealt with the self-confidence issue with these straight men? Don't be a hypocrite, Kyan. You are a fantastic man. He would be a complete idiot to turn you down. Ask him out."

"But--"

"No buts! Just do it!"

Kyan grumbled, childishly, and crossed his arms.

"And I don't want to talk about this anymore," Carson added. "You are giving me a headache."


Kyan's eyes swept the parking lot. His heart and stomach flipped over when he spotted the car. "He's already here."

"The fear in your eyes…" Carson chuckled.

"You are not making this any easier."

"And you are complete mess," he said. "Just relax."

Kyan nodded viciously as Carson pulled into an empty spot- roughly 100 yards away from the studio entrance.

"They need to get us our own parking spots," Carson hissed under his breath as they climbed out.

Kyan couldn't even hear him. All he could hear was the pounding of his heart and the blood rushing through his ears. He hadn't felt this nervous since the first time he was with a man- years ago. Anxiously, he ran his fingers through his hair, swallowed, and straightened his shoulders. He had to be professional. His feelings had never gotten in the way at work. He wasn't about to start now.

"Kyan. Carson."

The two men swiveled at the boyish voice behind them. Jai Rodriguez was jogging towards them, flashing his pearly whites in a huge grin.

"You are looking snazzy in all black," Carson complimented, lowering his sunglasses to get a better look.

"I had an audition this morning," Jai said. "Off Broadway show."

"How did it go?" asked Kyan as they resumed their hike to the double glass doors.

"Typical."

Carson grimaced. "Didn’t get it?"

Jai shrugged. "It's not like I need a job or anything. Not a big deal." He decided to change the subject. "How are you guys doing? Looking forward to some time off?"

"I simply can't wait," Carson sighed. "I need to update my wardrobe."

Kyan shook his head. He must've heard Carson say that at least twice a week since they met.

"How about you, Kyan? Any plans?" Jai asked.

"Nothing definite yet," he said. "I'm just going to try to lay low."

Carson glanced at him out of the corner of his eye and smirked. He could've easily "outted" Kyan's crush, but, of course, he wouldn't. The secret would be safe with him.

As soon as they hit the doors, they were ushered into "costume", where Carson, as the production stylist, started to pick through the numerous racks.

"Where's Ted and Thom?" Carson griped, handing two or three different outfits to Jai and Kyan. "Are they hanging out at that damn craft service table again?"

"We were taking inventory."

The hairs on the back of Kyan's neck prickled, and he felt his knees shake. The voice had penetrated him. Slowly, he turned his head, looking over his shoulder. The man stood in the doorway- hair a little ruffled, baggy jeans, and a simple, button down shirt.

Thom Filicia smiled. "Morning, Pumpkins."

"God, I love this man."

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